نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[amir_ow]

سلام دوستای خوبم. من هم یه دونه انشا دارم ممنون میشم نگاه بندازید. قبلش فقط یه سوال دارم.
من همیشه برای رایتینگ یک طرف رو انتخاب میکنم بسطش میدم و دفاع میکنم ازش. اما واقعا کم و بیش پیش میاد نه خیلی برای این طرف حرف دارم نه برای اونطرف. اینجور مواقع دلم میخواد یه چیز بینابینی بنویسم. اینبار دلو به دریا زدم یکی رو اینطوری نوشتم. میشه دوستان اهل فنی که تا به حال این مدل نوشتن رو دیدن یا خوندن و میتونن دربارش نظر بدن یه نگاهی بندازن وبگن کارم چقدر اشکال داره؟ به علاوه من دقیقا دو هفته دیگه امتحانمه. ایا توصیه میکنید من روی این مدل جدید دو سه تا بنویسم که اگه احتیاج شد روز امتحان بتونم از عهدش بربیام؟
به علاوه من چند تا جمله و استراکچری که همیشه خیلی بهشون مشکوک بودم و ازشون استفاده نمیکردم رو توی این انشام به کار بردم به خاطر همین تصحیح نامه این انشا خیلی برام ارزشمند خواهد بود و همین الان خیلی خیلی از دوستانی که زحمت میکشن سپاسگزاری میکنم. چند تا غلط املایی هم متن داره که از اونجایی که هیچ تصحیحی نکردم اگه فرصت و زمانشو داشتید و یه حدود نمره به من بگید خیلی خوب خواهد بود.
دوباره هم خیلی ممنونم.
سوال؟ دوستای تازه پیداکنیم یا دوستای قدیمی رو حفظ کنیم.

Making friend is a human's fundamental need. All people like and need to be in relationship with the other people, especially with their friend. The question is that which one is more important, developing new friendships or keeping our old friends. In my view, people should work on both of them. There are numerous reasons why I think so and I want to explore only a few of more important ones here.

To begin, all people need to have someone who they can trust on. Finding such a person is not an easy task at all, and when you succeed to find such a person you name him or her "friend"; on the other hand, making a true friend is associated with many difficulties beacuse he or she should meet all your criteria for a real friend, and due to this, it is truly worthwhile to try to keep your friends. You may be in a situation that you do not have enough time to spend with your old friends; nevetheless, you should try to find to some quality time because you may need your friends to help you or to share something with them, something important such as your secrets, in future and that time you may become aware that you lost them; as it would be really hard to find an appropriate person at that time, you should try to keep them.

On the other side, making a new friend is as important, if not more important than keeping your old ones. The main reason is that all people change and and so do your friends and you; as a result, it is really possible that after a while you do not heve something valuable in common with your old friends. Besides, it is possible that you discover a new area of your personality and you need to be in touch with some one who is similar to you at that area; nonetheless, as it is a new area of your charachteristics, your old friends may be different from you at that new area, and due to this, you will not be able to match with them and you will need to make new friends.

To put it in a nut-shell, although, some people suggest that you should keep your old friends and some recommend you to focus on makeing new ones, I strongly suggest that you should work on both of them. Because in terms of your old friends, needless to say, you made effort to meke true freinds ,and hence, it is worth to keep them, and in terms of making new friends, as you would change, you would need to be in touch with some one who have something in common with you in your new intersts; as a resul, working on both of them will enrich your life.

good choice of words, although repitition of some words to depict the same meaning sounds harsh. as an example, in ur topic paragraph once you used the word important, then again u used it at the end of .
the paragraph, u could use similar words to paraphrase
Trust on? i have never heard of it. we either have trust in or trust to. you could have used rely on
again usage of important in third paragraph, not wrong but shows writers lack of verbal resources. and i guess the right one is as importance.
again important, kidding?
Yet the usage of YOU as a pronoun is good to refer to everyone, but its sounds like you are ordering the reader. it spreads allover your writing, use it less. above all, it is your opinion
=repeating of ideas ans words in the last paragraph. "have something in common". you should be aware that people who mark your writing can degrade your score cause of this error.
last but not least, try to brainstorm before you start writing, couple of minutes will do the work. This way you wont have to face the fact that you are lacking ideas to write about.
use templates, good structures to beautify you writing and to make it more academic.
at the end, i read it all but i did not find your topic sentence, neither in conclusion nor in topic paragraph.
be more specific about it, cause it shows you have a plan to follow
good luck

[chemistrymaste]

سلام عرض می کنم خدمت دوستان عزیز،
و عرض ارادت دارم خدمت خانم مینوی عزیزم،
اگه زحمت بکشین نگاهی به رایتینگ ما بندازین ممنون میشم.

A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why?

A friend of mine is moving my hometown. It seems that there are places and entertainment he would like, but is hardly negligible that there are several advantages and also inconvenient aspects he / she may not mind (or he might dislike?). I really love my hometown and I wish to live in here my lifelong according to several reasons. I was born and grew up in this city; I am surrounded with lovely and close neighbors and friends whom I have known for a long time. That is to say: I belong here. Although in the case of talking about advantages and disadvantages related to my city, I have some hints listed below.

In the first place, there are lots of activities to enjoy in my hometown. This city has a number of museums, cinemas and theatres. One can visit art galleries and participate in fascinating festivals. It is located between woods and beach; my friend can go hiking every weekend and walk towards sea every day. It has intact environment which performs a countless effect on people.

In the second place, people don’t suffer from traffic problems even in rush-hours. People don’t stay in long queues; burglary seldom happens and the city seems to be secure (secured??). It is not overcrowded and has a clean weather. What’s more, my hometown is clean and you can rarely find trash on street.

On the other hand, my hometown has a serious issue. People are nice and warm, but if I could change one thing about my hometown, I think it would be the fact that people are too much concerned to each other; they want to know anything even if it is a personal problem and unfortunately social relationship does not lead to helping other people.

In the final analysis, I suggest my friend to move my city in the near future; since my city offers abundant facilities and entertainment, has nice weather to breathe, is clean, doesn’t have traffic problems, and is not crowded. I enjoy being in this city and among my people.

[minoosaba]

سلام عرض می کنم خدمت دوستان عزیز،
و عرض ارادت دارم خدمت خانم مینوی عزیزم،
اگه زحمت بکشین نگاهی به رایتینگ ما بندازین ممنون میشم.

A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why?

A friend of mine is moving my hometown. It seems that there are places and entertainment he would like, but is hardly negligible that there are several advantages and also inconvenient aspects he / she may not mind (or he might dislike?). I really love my hometown and I wish to live in here my lifelong according to several reasons. I was born and grew up in this city; I am surrounded with lovely and close neighbors and friends whom I have known for a long time. That is to say: I belong here. Although in the case of talking about advantages and disadvantages related to my city, I have some hints listed below.

In the first place, there are lots of activities to enjoy in my hometown. This city has a number of museums, cinemas and theatres. One can visit art galleries and participate in fascinating festivals. It is located between woods and beach; my friend can go hiking every weekend and walk towards sea every day. It has intact environment which performs a countless effect on people.

In the second place, people don’t suffer from traffic problems even in rush-hours. People don’t stay in long queues; burglary seldom happens and the city seems to be secure (secured??). It is not overcrowded and has a clean weather. What’s more, my hometown is clean and you can rarely find trash on street.

On the other hand, my hometown has a serious issue. People are nice and warm, but if I could change one thing about my hometown, I think it would be the fact that people are too much concerned to each other; they want to know anything even if it is a personal problem and unfortunately social relationship does not lead to helping other people.

In the final analysis, I suggest my friend to move my city in the near future; since my city offers abundant facilities and entertainment, has nice weather to breathe, is clean, doesn’t have traffic problems, and is not crowded. I enjoy being in this city and among my people.

hello
good luck

[concise]

hello everybody, I'll be grateful if you check out my writing sample
it will be great if you grade it out of 15



Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past.

The idea that people are becoming happier or sadder as time flies has always been the hot topic. Some of the people allege that more and more people are becoming happier every day. Some may think the opposet. I will try to explain below some points from both of this argument.
Challengers of this theory mention that war in the undeveloped regions makes the life really gloomy. Tons of people die or being injured every day, and these make the lives of the residue sadder. Also, in the countries that sanctions have been applies, more individuals lose their jobs every hour, and this leads to a bankrupted economy. And this make prices higher every week. For example, people in Iraq are facing a war, international society have applied strict sanctions, and they have a worsening economy. These make people encounter robbery and bloodshed every minute, which leads to a more gloomy life every day.
Supporters of this idea state that in some regions, in particular, developed countries like the United States of America, Britain, and Canada, people's laughters become louder every day because there are lots of different entertainment such as theme parks. Moreover, some new gadgets are being invented every day, which every single individual can afford, and as we know, playing with new gadgets is merry. Likewise, people do not have to search for new jobs, because they are rarely fired. And by having an average wage, people are capable of buying a large house and a beautiful car, which means almost nobody has to be worried about the money needed for renting.
To put the issue into perspective, after all the aforementioned factors being taken into consideration, I can mention that some people's lives are becoming better every day, but some may worse every second. For instance, people in Iraq are facing the worst possible nightmare, on the other hand, some persons in Canada become happier. I hope everyone in this world do not face any war, which ruins lives, and all of us have the oppurtuny to build joyful lives for ourselves.

[concise]

اینم یکی دیگه, ممنون میشم
لطفا از 15 بهم نمره بدین



Agree or disagree?
It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.


The duration of working hours and working days has always been a hot topic, in particular, between adults who are just simple employees. Some of the people allege that it is better to work long hours with fewer working days. On the contrary, some think it is a very bad dream to work like that. I will try to examine below some reasons from both sides of this argument.
Supporters of 'more working hours and fewer working days' state that by having a job like this idea, we will have more days to rest. Moreover, we can work in a shop in free days. Also, every time we going to work we lose lots of precious minutes, which can be spent on learning a new skill, and if we work for fewer days, it leads to eliminating commutting time, and saving fuel which is used by our cars, and this causes the air to be less polluted.
On the other hand, challengers of this theory indicate that if someone works long hours, for example thirteen hours a day, he/she will be too tired at the end of the working day, which makes him/her not do the job very well. Also, this can leads to worsening the function of his/her body, because we are not designed to work more than eight hours per day. Likewise, most of us do not have another job to be working on in off-days, which means we can only sit in front of our televisions and watch those so-called beneficial programs, and this causes obisity. For example, my cousin works in a petrochemical plant, which is located in south of my country, and he works there tewlve hours a day and two weeks, and the other weeks he is home reclining in front of TV, and he has become too fat after he accepted this conditions.
To put the issue into perspective, after all the aforementioned factors being taken into consideraion, working long hours for fewer days has pros and cons. For instance, we will save the time we used for getting to our working place, also we will be so tired after every working day. I hope that every individual can find a job with flexible working hours, so she/he can adjust her/his hours and days in order to work.

[amir_ow]

سلام عرض می کنم خدمت دوستان عزیز،
و عرض ارادت دارم خدمت خانم مینوی عزیزم،
اگه زحمت بکشین نگاهی به رایتینگ ما بندازین ممنون میشم.

A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why?

A friend of mine is moving my hometown. It seems that there are places and entertainment he would like, but is hardly negligible that there are several advantages and also inconvenient aspects he / she may not mind (or he might dislike?). I really love my hometown and I wish to live in here my lifelong according to several reasons. I was born and grew up in this city; I am surrounded with lovely and close neighbors and friends whom I have known for a long time. That is to say: I belong here. Although in the case of talking about advantages and disadvantages related to my city, I have some hints listed below.

In the first place, there are lots of activities to enjoy in my hometown. This city has a number of museums, cinemas and theatres. One can visit art galleries and participate in fascinating festivals. It is located between woods and beach; my friend can go hiking every weekend and walk towards sea every day. It has intact environment which performs a countless effect on people.

In the second place, people don’t suffer from traffic problems even in rush-hours. People don’t stay in long queues; burglary seldom happens and the city seems to be secure (secured??). It is not overcrowded and has a clean weather. What’s more, my hometown is clean and you can rarely find trash on street.

On the other hand, my hometown has a serious issue. People are nice and warm, but if I could change one thing about my hometown, I think it would be the fact that people are too much concerned to each other; they want to know anything even if it is a personal problem and unfortunately social relationship does not lead to helping other people.

In the final analysis, I suggest my friend to move my city in the near future; since my city offers abundant facilities and entertainment, has nice weather to breathe, is clean, doesn’t have traffic problems, and is not crowded. I enjoy being in this city and among my people.

Dear friend i read your writing
i can say ur verbal resources are fair enough
but you have a huge lack of structure .academic writing is not spoken english which you are trying to make it an academic writing with adding few linking words (transitions). Your
grammar should be worked on and practiced on with a relative book. the one with exerces in, which you can practice as learning
prepositions
clauses
tenses
and you better know that comma is the hardest and smallest piece of literture to use.
If only people who mark the toefl essays could see that you used comma just like this (from nowhere!!) they would chase you down and stab you in the eye with comma!!!
no joking with comma
you can try using books like
Grammar for ielts (which is known to be good because the british accen)
english grammar in use
and so on....
try to read essays as much as you can, books like
how to prepare for toefl essay
answer to all essay questions
and other books of this type.

[minoosaba]

hello moradimina15
good luck

[amir_ow]

اینم یکی دیگه, ممنون میشم
لطفا از 15 بهم نمره بدین



Agree or disagree?
It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.


The duration of working hours and working days has always been a hot topic, in particular, between adults who are just simple employees. Some of the people allege that it is better to work long hours with fewer working days. On the contrary, some think it is a very bad dream to work like that. I will try to examine below some reasons from both sides of this argument.
Supporters of 'more working hours and fewer working days' state that by having a job like this idea, we will have more days to rest. Moreover, we can work in a shop in free days. Also, every time we going to work we lose lots of precious minutes, which can be spent on learning a new skill, and if we work for fewer days, it leads to eliminating commutting time, and saving fuel which is used by our cars, and this causes the air to be less polluted.
On the other hand, challengers of this theory indicate that if someone works long hours, for example thirteen hours a day, he/she will be too tired at the end of the working day, which makes him/her not do the job very well. Also, this can leads to worsening the function of his/her body, because we are not designed to work more than eight hours per day. Likewise, most of us do not have another job to be working on in off-days, which means we can only sit in front of our televisions and watch those so-called beneficial programs, and this causes obisity. For example, my cousin works in a petrochemical plant, which is located in south of my country, and he works there tewlve hours a day and two weeks, and the other weeks he is home reclining in front of TV, and he has become too fat after he accepted this conditions.
To put the issue into perspective, after all the aforementioned factors being taken into consideraion, working long hours for fewer days has pros and cons. For instance, we will save the time we used for getting to our working place, also we will be so tired after every working day. I hope that every individual can find a job with flexible working hours, so she/he can adjust her/his hours and days in order to work.

Dear friend
u better come up with an idea in your introduction then try narrowing it down little by little and reach the topic sentence. Going for the topic sentence at the beginning of introduction is not a good idea.
job by this idea doesnt seem to be logical. u could say job relating to/corresponded with this idea
.is there anything known as free days? do not transport your persian thaughts into english writing. u could say holiday
becareful with the use of comma!!
u used and with comma. thats totally unacceptable. get familiar with the usage of comma.
usage of pros and cons is totally informal! try using academic formal words such as Strength and Weaknesses

we will save the time we used for getting to our working place.how can u save something in the future, that happened in the past. work on your tenses and use simple tenses!
so is not a formal a word to use. use substitutes
use more transitions and linking words.

[mahboubasghari]

سلام دوستان
ممنون میشم رایتینگ من رو تصحیح کنید و راهنماییم کنید که چطوری بهتر بنویسم

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?

These days, with the development of modern life, in most countries more and more people tend to live in apartments. This causes to be destroyed many old houses and replaced by modern buildings. In my opinion, although modern buildings seem more equipped and glamorous, I prefer to live in a simple and traditional house.

To begin, there is something deeply satisfying about traditional houses. In fact, I believe that they are more beautiful because they probably have a big yard, which not only you can plant your favorite vegetables and flowers and enjoy from walking in that, but also your children can play in the yard whenever they want. As a result, when you come to your home, you can take your mind off your troubles and get rid of physical and mental engagements by looking at this beautiful space in the yard.

On the other hand, when you live in a modern apartment, at most you have only a small balcony. Although some people enjoy living in an apartment which is full of modern amenities and have a kitchen with modern facilities, but I cannot stand living in a place which you cannot speak with family members loudly or listen to music loudly. In fact, you have to be quiet all time and you do not feel convenience at all.

To sum up, I prefer to live in an old house with a big yard rather than in an apartment because you feel relaxed when live in a traditional house . However, an apartment makes you become more isolation and depressed, because you cannot do any enjoyable activities there. Therefore, it is a good recommendation that governments try to ban the disruptive of old houses and building apartments and skyscrapers in modern cities.

[amir_ow]

سلام دوستان
ممنون میشم رایتینگ من رو تصحیح کنید و راهنماییم کنید که چطوری بهتر بنویسم

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?

These days, with the development of modern life, in most countries more and more people tend to live in apartments. This causes to be destroyed many old houses and replaced by modern buildings. In my opinion, although modern buildings seem more equipped and glamorous, I prefer to live in a simple and traditional house.

To begin, there is something deeply satisfying about traditional houses. In fact, I believe that they are more beautiful because they probably have a big yard, which not only you can plant your favorite vegetables and flowers and enjoy from walking in that, but also your children can play in the yard whenever they want. As a result, when you come to your home, you can take your mind off your troubles and get rid of physical and mental engagements by looking at this beautiful space in the yard.

On the other hand, when you live in a modern apartment, at most you have only a small balcony. Although some people enjoy living in an apartment which is full of modern amenities and have a kitchen with modern facilities, but I cannot stand living in a place which you cannot speak with family members loudly or listen to music loudly. In fact, you have to be quiet all time and you do not feel convenience at all.

To sum up, I prefer to live in an old house with a big yard rather than in an apartment because you feel relaxed when live in a traditional house . However, an apartment makes you become more isolation and depressed, because you cannot do any enjoyable activities there. Therefore, it is a good recommendation that governments try to ban the disruptive of old houses and building apartments and skyscrapers in modern cities.

Dear friend
u came up with a good general idea and narrowed it down delightfully, although your topic sentence which defines vital information connected to your passage is vague and not clear. state it as clearly as you can
use of comma is quite influential on your score
.after prefer you have to use ing form (gerund) of the verb. spend some time working on your grammar just to make sure everything goes well
enjoy walking is correct (Verb + Verb mistake again)
the phrase not only...but when not only is placed at the first of sentence is changed with inversion. you should have said not only can you...but. moreover u do not need comma between them.
DO NOT translate persian form to english. use of You as a pronoun is for referring to everyone. although it is write to use but it is not that formal. just keep your sentences simple and plain
repeated usage of same transitions like but, use substitutes
isolated and depressed. Verb + ed refers to human motions n feelings. Verb + ing states the overall feeling of something that one might feel
prefer living