نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[Bita]

این انشاهای انگلیسی را من برای یکی از آشناهامون تصحیح کردم. شاید به درد بقیه هم بخوره.

[niva61]

I have upload the topic#1 essay.
Really thankful if you you look at it.
Regards

[niva61]

Dear members,
I have uploaded my essay topic #2 . would like to hear any suggestions.
Regards.

[Pouya]

Topic 2

[Babak]

ببینید نظرسنجی صرفا برای رای‌گیری در مورد یک موضوعی استفاده می‌شه. در نتیجه برای نوشتن یا upload کردن متن هیچ کاربردی نداره. شما می‌تونید برای هر نوشته‌اتون یک «موضوع جدید» باز کنید، بعد اگر کسی خواست تصحیح بکنه در پاسخ به همون نوشته شما متن تصحیح شده رو یا upload می‌کنه یا در همون صفحه می‌نویسه.

[Bita]

این متن اولیه است که من کپی کردم.

Please copy the text of your essay in here, like this:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new
experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people
attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.
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People attend college or university for higher education. Nowadays life is more competitive and who wants win, needs to be qualified everywhere especially in work environment. Academic environment will give more technical knowledge to students and also there will be some facility for youths to be familiar with industry to some extent.

University is a conjunction place where people modify their life from childhood stage to adult stage. They can learn and experience new life, be more outgoing and slowly familiar with successful people. This would be the opportunity to learn with different points of view. This is an experience which is worthy by itself. And also give them more encourage to be successful in their life and work.

Besides, higher education environment provides more challenges for youths to be qualified for more responsibility. Slowly they learn that can do more and new responsibilities so it improves their self confidence. And also it is a specific environment that they can do something wrong but others, especially their supervisors, never punish them because they also have experienced with this stage of life.

In addition educated environment, especially higher education, provides more and safe facilities for youths to be familiar with a new life in different points of view and also pass their childhood with lots of experiences. It prepares them to gain better jobs or provide them to create something new. So most people prefer to have experience with university or college environments during their life.

[Mehrdad]

Please put the text directly in the body, do not attach doc files!
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Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Parents can teach their children better than anybody else. There are some reasons that illustrate this fact. In the first place, nobody can deny that parents love their children more than anybody else. Secondly, Parents know their children. They are with their children every time and they know how to deal his or her problems. These make from parents the best teachers. Even good teachers confess that they behave with their students like their children and this is their key of success.

Basically, Parents Love their children. Mothers gave birth to their children and both fathers and mothers look after them in order to bring them up as healthy and successful as they can. Teachers should like their students if they want to do their best in teaching. Teaching is a time consuming and hard procedure. It needs patient in a great extent. Therefore, who can like children more than their parents? I felt this by my body and soul. I saw a man who teaches his handicapped son. He started teaching his son by showing him how to use a pencil. After seven years, his son, who learnt how to use a pencil in a week, can paint some pretty pictures which is odd for him with such disabilities. This happened just because of the feeling that the teacher, his father, had.

Parents are better teachers not only because they love their children but also due to the fact that they know their children better than any one else. They live with their children since they were just little infants. They understand feelings, abilities, senses and even thoughts of their children. They can identify why they children do not understand some materials and how they can deal with it. For example, when I was younger I always asked my mother to teach me some lessons when I could not understand them well and she always managed to teach me better than my teachers.

With the examples and reasons I mentioned above, I believe that parents can teach everything specially the life better than anyone. Children can easily follow the life style and the ways that their parents show them. They understand their fathers and mothers and they know exactly what they want. However, there are some exceptions which do not refute this general rule.

[Mehrdad]

Here are some of my suggestions:

There are some reasons that illustrate this fact. In the first place, nobody can deny that parents love their children more than anybody else. Secondly, Parents know their children. They are with their children every time and they know how to deal his or her problems. These make from parents the best teachers.

Here is how I would say it:
"There are some reasons that illustrate this fact: first. nobody can deny that parents love their children more than anybody else; second, parents know their children very well. They spend a lot of time with them and know hot to deal with their problems. These make parents the best teachers."

Basically, Parents Love their children. Mothers gave birth to their children and both fathers and mothers look after them in order to bring them up as healthy and successful as they can. Teachers should like their students if they want to do their best in teaching. Teaching is a time consuming and hard procedure. It needs patient in a great extent. Therefore, who can like children more than their parents? I felt this by my body and soul. I saw a man who teaches his handicapped son. He started teaching his son by showing him how to use a pencil. After seven years, his son, who learnt how to use a pencil in a week, can paint some pretty pictures which is odd for him with such disabilities. This happened just because of the feeling that the teacher, his father, had.

I'm not sure what is the point of this paragraph! It has many disconnected statements. Despite that, there are some wrong usage of the words too. You can say:
"Teaching is time consuming and hard job. It needs patience in a great extent. Since parents love their children, they can be more patient with them. I know a man who managed to teach his handicapped son how to use the pencil. After seven long years of patience and practice, his son now paints such pretty pictures. It is hard to believe that these pictures where the creation of a disabled person. But I know it became all possible because of his fathers love and his teachings."

They can identify why they children...

The can identify why THEIR children...

[Mehrdad]

Please do not post you essays as files. See the other examples.
Create a new topic, copy you text, and we will try to correct it as much as possible.
Then other users can pick even small parts and suggest corrections.
Besides, you have uploaded the same file twice!

[Bita]

I rewrote your essay. the new words are in CAPS. the deleted words are in {}.
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People attend college or university {for} TO GAIN higher education. Nowadays life is more competitive and WHOEVER WHO wants TO {win} SUCCEED needs to be qualified everywhere especially in THE [work environment] WORKPLACE. Academic environment {will give} HELPS IN DEVELOPING {more} technical knowledge {to} OF students and {also there will be some} OFFERS THEM {facility} FACILITIES {for youths} to {be} BECOME familiar with industry {to some extent} ENVIRONMENT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

University is a {conjunction} place where people {modify their life} COMPLETE THEIR TRANSITION from childhood {stage} to adultHOOD {stage}. They can learn and experience AN INDEPENDENT new life, MAKE FRIENDS {be more outgoing}, and {slowly familiar with} MEET MANY successful people. This {would be} GIVES THEM the opportunity to BECOME FAMILIAR {learn } with different point{s} of viewS. {This is an experience which is worthy by itself. And also give them more encourage to be successful in their life and work.} MEETING AND NETWORKING WITH SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE IS A VERY VALUABLE EXPERIENCE BY ITSELF AND CAN DETERMINE THE SUCCESS OF STUDENTS IN FUTURE.

{{I rewrote the two paragraphs below}}
{Besides, higher education environment provides more challenges for youths to be qualified for more responsibility. Slowly they learn that can do more and new responsibilities so it improves their self confidence. And also it is a specific environment that they can do something wrong but others, especially their supervisors, never punish them because they also have experienced with this stage of life.

In addition educated environment, especially higher education, provides more and safe facilities for youths to be familiar with a new life in different points of view and also pass their childhood with lots of experiences. It prepares them to gain better jobs or provide them to create something new. So most people prefer to have experience with university or college environments during their life. }

AS STUDENTS ENTER COLLAGE, THEY FACE MANY CHALLENGES BOTH IN CLASSES AND THEIR PERSONAL LIVES. EVENTUALLY, THE STUDENTS LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH THESE CHALLENGES AND GAIN CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES. OF COURSE, THEY MAY MAKE MANY MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY, BUT THE ACADEMIC ENVIRONMENT TENDS TO BE VERY FORGIVING.

IN MY OPINION, HIGHER EDUCATION PREPARES STUDENT FOR THEIR FUTURE, EXTENDS THEIR SOCIAL NETWORK, AND HELPS THEM FIND BETTER JOBS AFTER GRADUATION. THEREFORE, MOST PEOPLE PREFER TO HAVE A COLLAGE DEGREE.