نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[Sara.Sh]

People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?

John, who was my high school friend, is a rich man now. He dropped out his studies in high school and started working with his father when he was only 17 years old. Not only does he own many stores nowbut also he runs two business companies in spite of being so young. He alsooffered me to join them and work in his father's company believing that continuing studies would bring us no extra credit and more specifically no money. At first, I was not sure about the rightfulness of his ideas and to some extent I was even appreciating his business talents, but when I was admitted to a university my viewpoint changed as well. Being in an educational atmosphere, I have come to know its advantages Those who attend universities and continue their education not only broaden their understanding and viewpoints but also this education helps them in finding appropriate jobs and running good positions once they are graduated.

people prefer to get into universities and continue their education mainly to gain more knowledge and to extend their previous so-called limited information. thehigh school education is kind oflimited to basic ideas in science and humanities subjects so students do not get a comprehensive information by being exposed to those lessons. Not to mention at university or college, students learn much more public sciences than they study in high school. Moreover, they can concentrate in their technical majors as they go up in their studies.

Furthermore, being admitted to universities people find the chance to raise their social statuses . Campus is like a city; in fact it is a small society. This society brings students, teachers and faculty members all together . Students have the opportunity toencounter with many other students fromdifferent cultures on the campus. They learn to think criticallybefore they start jobs. While many join the science based organizations, others run their own business .

Finally, attending universities provides people with the chance of choosing their favorite jobs. Based on their expertise, the newly graduated students are ready to join the job market and outset their career life by selecting the field that is more appealing to them.
Once seniors havecompleted approximately 80% of their education, they try to look for job opportunities. For instance, a computer senior can find his favorite job in variousfields namelyprogrammering and computer hardware or network engineering. His education gives him more options to select from .

As I have alreadymentioned, in my view college or university education is precious and rewarding. It is so enjoyable that when a topic comes up you find yourself springing some ideas about that and even analyzing the issue.On the other hand, you feel so empty and even embarrassed when you find yourself being able to discuss no matter but the monetary ones Last week my university friends and I went to a coffee shop with John. We talked about one of the technical courses that we passed at university, but John was silent and he did not have the slightest idea about the subject. Afterwards, when I visited John again he was unhappy. He even said something really astonishing He told me he really envies me and my friends, mentioning though he has everything in his life yet does not feel prosperous


I pasted my essay here and it is related to this topic: http://www.applyabroad.org/forum/ind...ic,8293.0.html
Please score it.Thanks

امیدوارم کمکتون کنه

[maryamgoli]

سلام
از دوستان و سارا " كه نمرات بالايي در بخش toefl ibt كسب كرده اند" ممنون ميشم در مورد رايتينگ هام نظر بدهند.
با تشكر.

Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

People presume that saving money earned by their own in the banks brings them so extra credits and specifically it generates more money. Although it seems that it is so beneficial and rational that I save the whole or the large amount of my money for the future, I prefer to enjoy my life with spending my money that I plane to make a better living statuses and to extent my life style. I tent to agree with spend my acquainted money for shopping my favorites – of course the necessary things at the priority I mean-, investing for affordable purposes and, sharing some money for charity.

First, one of my great enjoyable favorites is shopping in my life. I always look for the newest versions of cloths, jewels, and cars ant ets. Though I believe that just consuming the advertised products in these days isn’t the target of progressing, but shopping predominant things has great merit in my mind. I have this viewpoint that converting the money to good and withdrawing things acts this important role that I already save the money, since shopping my favorites, creating the bests for me.

Second, I always plan to share some of my money for the affordable activities. This helps me to invest in different areas such as building towers for example. By sharing some of my money for stocks or trading fields I merge and I will get its benefit soon in the future. For this surely I consult with the counselors that have industrial expertises.

Besides, always I try to pay attention to the people that need help from us. I share some of my money for charity or help to communications that cooperate for philanthropic intents. Nevertheless, I know that may be my sharing isn’t plentiful and can’t solve problems, but I try to do my duty due to my portion about other people.

To sum up briefly, by spending my money in the mentioned above manners or the rotes that are alike with them, gradually I can built a brilliant life style and I spend moments so called comfortable life. Afterwards, |I have championed experiments for building a beautiful life and this will be arrival in the length of my living road. In my opinion this will be so beneficial for me than I just pack my money in the banks without spending any alluring moments in my life.

[Sara.Sh]

Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

People presume that putting money in banks not only brings them so many extra credits but also it generates more money. Although saving money or putting a large amount of that aside for future seems to be beneficial and even rational, I prefer to enjoy my life spending my money to reach a better living status and to extent my life style. Besides spending money for shopping my favorites – of course the necessary things at the priority I mean-, I’d also want to invest in affordable purposes and, give some money away to charity.

First, one of the most enjoyable favorites in my life is shopping. I always look for the latest fashions in cloths, jewels, and cars and so forth. Though I believe that just consuming the advertised products these days does not signify progression, shopping predominant things bring about great merit in my mind. I believe that spending money and purchasing goods which might lead to withdrawing money from your deposit has its own advantage. In order to get my favorite stuff, I do need to save money on the first place and this gives me enough motivation to save money.

Second, planning to invest a part of my property in money-making projects, I put my money in different areas such as building towers. By sharing some of my money in stocks or trading fields I merge and I will get its benefit soon in the future. Not to mention I surely consult with the counselors with industrial expertise before taking any action.

Moreover, I believe in helping others and paying attention to those who are in need. I give some of my money away to charity or help those communities with philanthropic intentions. Nevertheless, I know that this amount isn’t sufficient and might not remove all problems but I try to do my duty towards other people and help them to reach a better living situations as much as I can.

To sum up briefly, by spending my money as mentioned above or any other helpful and rewarding way, gradually I can build a brilliant life style and spend moments as so called comfortable life. Afterwards, |I have championed experiments for building a beautiful life and this is the arrival in the length of my living road. In my opinion this is beneficial for me than just saving my money in banks without spending any alluring moments in my life.

[maryamgoli]

سارا جان به خاطر revise تون براي essay قبلي خيلي ممنونم.

Essay 2

What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important

Do you realize that every successful company or community has a insight wise clever boss behind it? To figuring out remember Bill Gates, the thriving manager of giant Microsoft incorporation, that succeeds to convert his company to the largest center of taking over of information and money these days. It is important that a boss has significant impact due to his/ her roles in put the effects on those employees and the environment statuses that he has controlled. Priorities of predominant definitions for a good boss are diverse ,but two significant critical factors come into my mind are such as: having authority for managing the system in the right straightforward conforming with ways that bring the company to the prosperous ,and paying attention to all employees or the smaller parts of the system in the down.

First, I try to prove that rarely a company can distinguish without its manager. I mean that assessing the achievements of a company is equal with its manager’s quailing. This means that the boss can directly influences on the company. If boss is wise, his sharp decisions can revolute the institute’s situations. Also if you notice about the successful incorporations, you will figure out that there is a boss that controls them with his/her insight viewpoints. This is easily discernible that a powerful manager can achieve outstanding particular yields for the company. A wise boss not only can perceive and manage the problems in the right manner, but also allocates the beget for intolerable onantisipating days. Afterwards, a good bus can evolve the benefits of a company to some extent and it can be seen by the years that a good manager opens brilliant succeeding ways for the company such as a tree that opens a way toward the sky with growing its height and with creating more branches.

Moreover, one other of the brilliant properties of a good boss is his/her behavior with the employees. How can a boss pretend that he is worry about his company without any attention to the down particles? It is obvious that a kind sensitive manager always thinks about the employees, since the emotional and living statuses of the employees has a great effect in their working quality. Almost all of the managers believe that relinquishing of their employees is important factor leads to their bankruptcy. If the partners and employees of company don’t give any paying attention from the boss, they will be disappointed and will not take care about their duty. Making close relationships with the employees by the boss motivates all of them to accomplish with very high efficiency. This is arrival by the years in the successful yields of the incorporation. Besides, the company will be converting to a successful system that all of the parts act as a team and experience a good team-working from the boss on the top to the smallest part such a employee.

To sum up briefly, buss has great influence on the company. In my opinion a good boss can build a good collection which acts very deliberately toward the succeeding. Controlling the situation is a fine point that I think can bring all of the benefits toward a system.

[Sara.Sh]

What are some important qualities of a good supervisor (boss)? Use specific details and examples to explain why these qualities are important

Have you ever noticed that every successful company or community has an insightful, wise and clever boss? Bill Gates, the thriving manager of the giant Microsoft incorporation, who succeeds in changing his company to the largest center which currently masters in taking over the information and money can be a good example. The fact that a boss has a significant influence over his employees and even the environment due to his responsibilities plays an important role in the overall outcome of the whole community or organization. Priorities of predominant definitions for a great boss are diverse, but two significant critical factors that might have a huge impact on the entire system are: having the authority for managing the system in its correct methods to assist the company in reaching a prosperous status, and paying attention to all employees or the seemingly less important parts of the system even in lower levels. .

Although all the members of the company might play roles, either major or minor, in the success of the system, still I believe a company cannot be distinguished without its manager. It can be said that assessing the achievements of a company is equal with its manager’s quailing. This means that the boss can directly influence the company’s status. A wise boss with his sharp decisions can revolute the institute’s different situations. Also considering the successful incorporations, you will figure out a boss who controls other members with his/her insightful viewpoints. Clearly a powerful manager can achieve outstanding particular yields for the company. A wise boss not only can perceive and manage the problems in the right manner, but also allocates the budget for intolerable onantisipating(?) days. Afterwards, a good boss can evolve the benefits of a company to some extent and this can be seen by the years that a good manager opens brilliant succeeding ways for the company such as a tree that opens a way toward the sky with growing its height while creating more branches.

Moreover, another brilliant characteristic of a successful and well chosen boss is his/her behavior with other employees. How can a boss pretend that he is worried about his company without paying attention to those who consists the lower parts of the system? Obviously a kind and sensitive manager always takes the employees’ situation into account, since the emotional and living statuses of the employees has a great effect in the quality of their work. Almost all of the managers believe that relinquishing their employees is an important factor which leads to their bankruptcy. If the partners and employees of company are neglected or even feel as if they are not important, they will be disappointed and will not be as responsible as they should towards their duties. Making close relationships with the employees by the boss motivates all the members to accomplish their united goal with very high efficiency. This is arrival by the years in the successful yields of the incorporation(?). Besides, the company is becoming a successful system in which all parts, from the boss on the top to those lower parts of the system, act as a team and experience a good group work.

To sum up briefly, boss has a great influence on the company. In my opinion a qualified boss can unite a system of people which acts very deliberately toward the success of every individual. Controlling the situation is a fine point that can bring all the benefits to a system.

خواهش می کنم

[maryamgoli]

سلام sara. sh جان
خيلي خيلي ممنون هستم بخاطر وقتي كه ميگذارين و essay هاي من رو تصحيح ميفرمايين

Essay3:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Almost all of the people believe that traveling with a group led by a tour guide which is going to be custom these days makes some fun during the trip and is more affordable for them. I have different idea in this regards. Preferring to enjoy my moments by my own and look for my personal favorites, I would like to travel personally.

People have different definitions about having fun moments. Generally people decide to travel when they feel tried or plan to descend their stress which was being made by job atmosphere difficulties, social relationships, variable problems and so forth. They look to have a trip with this viewpoint that it is just a vacation for forgetting the past overwhelming moments. So they rush only for enjoying, no matter with what quantity, just they are consuming, passing and even vesting their time or energy. I travel when I feel tried too but I prefer to have my moments by my own. I would like to pass my moments by my schedule. For example one of the most enjoyable hobbies in the trips is speculation for me. I always be interested to thinks about the place or people that I have traveled. The different cultures, foods or living statuses make many questions in my mind. I stop during the trip and start to talk with people and this is an amazing event for me. This is may be seems a bit ridiculous or even strange for others, nevertheless, I would like to speculation during the trip and I will get it if I travel by my own, not by a group that move as similar as a gang! to catch ordinary things and compete just for enjoying.

Moreover, doing traveled by my own I find the chance to see the places that I like. I often prefer to go to ancient places in my voyage Because of the fact that I have introduced to the history of that country. Also I would rather like to spend my time in the natural places such as gardens, sea shores, beside the lakes, rivers and so forth. I can even have my daily sport exercising programs during the trip on those natural places at the mornings. Rarely can I continue my sport exercise when I travel with a tour. In the tour people must follow programmable dictates on the punctuated schedules such as going to the museums, watching films or other ordinary occupations.

In the overall, if I travel by my own not only I enjoy more, but also I can effort my budget both for the trip and shopping every thing that I want. By traveling alone I will extent my knowledge in many different fields, see every where that I love and relax my mind far away from the busy positions that I already had in the past.

ببخشيد سارا جان يه سوالي هم داشتم كه همينجا بپرسم ازتون:
اين essay رو من در واقع هر comment اي كه به ذهنم ميرسيد نوشتم. -در واقع از لغات يا جملات پيشرفته تري كه حالا كمي فكر ميكردم ميشد ازشون استفاده كنم- استفاده نكردم، يعني روتين نوشتم. آيا ساده نوشتن به اين نحو نمره رو پايين مياره؟
ممنون هستم

[Sara.Sh]

سلام مریم جان
خواهش میکنم. در مورد سوالت میتونم بگم که شما هر چه بر لغات و نحوه نگارش تسلط بیشتری داشته باشین نتیجه بهتری میگیرید. البته منظورم این نیست که از ساختارهای پیچیده گرامری استفاده کنید. روان نوشتن- عدم تکرار کلمات- پیوستگی مطالب و موارد دیگر همه در بالا بردن سطح نگارش تاثیر گذارند.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Most of the people believe that traveling with a group led by a tour guide, which is becoming an increasing trend these days, makes the whole trip more interesting, informative and even more affordable. Though many are for this way of traveling, I prefer enjoying my moments on my own and following my personal favorites. As a result, I would go on a travel on my own, doing what I like, and visiting those sightseeing s that appeal more to me.

People have different definitions about having fun and enjoyment. They might decide to travel when they feel tried or want to lower their stress which might brought up by difficulties at the job atmosphere, social relationships, various personal problems and so forth. They look forward to going on trip so that they can find the chance to forget those overwhelming moments they have undergone. Consequently they rush only for enjoyment, no matter with what quantity; just they are consuming, passing and even wasting their time or energy. I might choose to travel when I feel tried too but I prefer to pass my moments by myself. I would like to pass my time the way I like and make a schedule for every minute of that myself.. For instance one of the most enjoyable hobbies on a trip for me is speculation. I am interested in observing places and people deeply wherever I travel. . Different cultures, foods or living statuses cause questions in my mind. I like staying over in some places on my trip and talking with people and that is what makes the entire trip amazing for me. This is may seem a bit ridiculous or even strange to others, nevertheless, I would like to speculate during the trip this is gained only when I travel by myself not in a group that moves like a gang! to catch ordinary things and compete just for enjoyment.

Moreover, traveling alone, I find the chance to see the places I like. I often prefer going to ancient places on my voyage to see the history of that country and study its culture, society, and its background. Also I would rather spend my time in natural places such as gardens, sea shores, next to lakes, rivers and so forth. I can even do my daily exercise during the trip on those natural places in the morning. Rarely can I stick to my daily exercise when I travel with a tour. On a tour people must follow programmable dictates on the punctuated schedules such as going to museums, watching films or any other ordinary activity.

All in all, if I travel on my own not only I enjoy more, but also I can budget my money both for a relaxing and useful trip and shopping whatever I like. By traveling alone I will extent my knowledge in different fields, see wherever I love and relax my mind away from the hustle and bustle of the daily life.

موفق باشید

[maryamgoli]

سلام سارا جان، مرسي واقعا زحمت ميكشيد، اينم زحمت چهارم من
پ.ن: سارا جون قول نميدم آخريش باشه!!! ;D

Essay 4:
Some people prefer to live in places that have the same weather or climate all year long. Other likes to live in areas where the weather changes several times a year. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

One of the most beautiful events in the universe during the year is the changing of seasons. I live in an area that has alluring seasons exchanging and I always enjoy about those differs that frequently take place following to each other. I would rather like to live here because I am interested to live in a city with fore distinguished different seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter.

I always have acclaimed the nature because of creating those beautiful viewpoints that it creates with season exchanging. In my area spring, the first season of the year, comes with very delicate events such as rainfalls with the frequent rainbows, growing fresh trees and blossoming of flowers , birds singing, and so forth. We celebrate the beginning of the year with our luxury traditions. Moreover I always have remembered good memories from spring. The spring is my major sport exercises season. The champion competition of skating teams has been increased during the season because of appropriate situations of the climate such as fine smooth weather for breathing. Summer follows after spring. The sharp increasing of temperature enhances the warmth of the weather so that causes the risen of those well tasted fruits we always enjoy to eat them such as watermellon. After that another two seasons are coming: autumn and winter. I love autumn and its amazing trees in different colors. I get a fascinating view from my room which faces the front garden, and I keep watching the colorful leaves falling down the garden’s enormous trees. The appealing color contrast of those fallen leaves always impresses me. At the last the winter comes with its cold weather. We are always look forward recieving January because of my birthday, and we celebrate it beside the snowman which we build every year.

So, I would rather like to live in a place so that described above, since I can experience different statuses in different seasons which are adventured for me. Variety options of foods, fruits and weather is very interesting for me and living in a place with alternated exchanges achieves me to enjoy my healthy life. At the end, I applause universe for creating those wonderful viewpoints which it creates during the year.

[maryamgoli]

سلام
سارا جان نظرتون در مورد اين essay چي هست؟ اصلا تغيير بارز و يا بهبودي حاصل كرده نسبت به قبلي ها؟ ???
ممنون هستم.

Essay 5:
Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay at home, and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Explain why?

While a usual and ordinary life seems to be comfortable, we all have noticed that it can be frustrating. I would rather like to have a life with many changes during the time passed. Looking forward for the new experiences has many potential benefits such as progression of my life statuses, personal characteristic factors, and catching skill for connecting to new situations.

One of the most obvious advantages of changing in my life is progression of my life statuses. I think that the attempts needed for making changes in the life can be considerable, because during we try to make changes the new life style replaces the old one spontaneously. As a result looking forward for new changes may be dominated a better modern life style by itself. So it is enjoyable for me to look forward changing, since I know that I will catch a good result in the end as welll.

Another significant result of new changes is the broadening of my personal characteristic factors. I always can extend my view points in the new atmospheres. I feel so fresh if I can speculate about my thinking majors in the new life style or those areas that I have built after the changes. In addition, I will better understand and become committed to a decision in which I have had in a new place than to a decision made in the past. Consequently, I can extent my viewpoints in to extra and can be converted to a modern thinking style person.

Finally, I think that I tend to accept changes more readily and to be better satisfied with them when I have participated making a new life with other new systems. Sharing the new information and qualities forces me to go ahead and keeps me more up to date. In that time not only I can take the new things, but also I can learn a new skills to keep my life always in the new situations from other newly systems.

To sum up briefly, In my opinion the human’s talents have been blossomed if they are keep in the new and modern up to date situations. The modern new life with many changes is like a river that every moment of it is being refreshed with frequent changes. In deed the same and ordinary life style is similar to a lake and I believe that human must open the ways to be current on a life road like swimming on the river not to be surrounded just in a closed lake.

[Sara.Sh]

Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay at home, and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Explain why?

While a usual and ordinary life seems to be comfortable, we also have noticed that it can be frustrating in the long run as well. Personally, I prefer leading an adventuresome life, full of changes rather than sticking to one place and one boring way of living. Looking forward to new experiences can bring about many potential benefits for people that is: improving life statuses, personal characteristic factors, and gaining those necessary skills to be able to adapt to new situations.

Having changes in life and learning how to face different situations can lead to progression in one’s life status. I think trying to cause changes in life can be considerable since as one attempts to bring changes and variety to his life, this new life style replaces the old one spontaneously. (1)As a result looking forward to new changes may be dominated a better modern life style by itself. And that is what propels me to go forward and which generates enthusiasm in me to undergo all possible upcoming difficulties and to feel a new way of living which eventually will provide valuable, amazing experiences for me..

Another significant result of new changes in one’s life is broadening personal characteristic factors. Having this in mind, I can always extend my view points while facing new situations. (2)I feel so fresh if I can speculate about my thinking majors in the new life style or those areas that I have built after the changes. In addition, this provides me with the chance of getting a better understanding of different cases and making sound decisions comparing to those made before undergoing these new experiences. (3)Consequently, I can extent my viewpoints and can be converted to a modern thinking style person.

Finally, accepting changes more readily and willingly I feel more satisfied with all those changes once I have practiced making a new life in other new systems. Sharing the most recent information and qualities forces me to go forward and precede which as a result keeps me more updated. Having the enough courage to face new cases is rewarding in spite of involving possible difficulties. This helps me in learning new skills to keep up with new situations in various novel systems.

To sum up briefly, In my opinion human talents have been blossomed if they are keep in the new and modern updated situations. The modern life with many changes is like a river that (4)every moment of it is being refreshed with frequent changes. Indeed the repetitive and ordinary life style is similar to a lake and I believe human being should open the ways to be mobile on the life’s road like swimming on the river not to be surrounded just in a closed lake.

سلام مریم جان
متاسفانه من منظور شما رو از جملات 1و 2 متوجه نشدم
در مورد شماره 3 consequently برای نتیجه گیری استفاده میشود. اما نتیجه شما در پاراگراف 3 در ابتدای همان پاراگراف امده است
و شماره 4 معمولا بهتر است از جملاتی این چنین direct استفاده نکنیم

ببخشید اگه تعداد شماره ها زیاد شد