Please Revise My Essay

[hooman_teh]

با سلام و خسته نباشيد خدمت همه دوستان من 21 آگوست امتحان آكادميك دارم و متاسفانه نه وقت كلاس رفتن دارم نه كسي هست كه در مورد writing من نظر بده ممنون ميشم اگر هر كدومتون كه وقت كرد يه نگاهي اينجا بندازه و انها رو تصحيح كنه ثواب داره والا.با تشكر از همگي

[Sara.Sh]

شما writing رو اینجا بذارین و لینک رو برای دوستانی که مایلند هم پیغام خصوصی بزنید.
من خوشحال می شم تگه بتونم کمکتون کنم

[hooman_teh]

Thanks for your help here is the first one.I do appreciate to whom can help and correct me

How pencils are manufactured (Focus on IELTS page 85

Each pencil has two parts. Part one is pencil lead and the other part is lead's case which is always a wooden one, though pencil manufacturing

process is consist of two different parts, fist lead preparation and then a case for it.

Ground graphite, clay and water is mixed together to form graphite dough, after that in a process which is called "Forming Press", the dough is converted to graphite rod

which is cut into leads.At last leads are heated up to 800 degree centigrade and then the leads are ready to be used.
Definitely each lead needs a case, timbers are changed into groves then these grooves are cut in wooden slats. In this stage leads is fixed into slats by means of glue and sandwich of slats is formed. Finally shaping machine creates smooth finish and finished pencils are manufactured.

[Sara.Sh]

How pencils are manufactured (Focus on IELTS page 85

Each pencil has two parts: First is the pencil lead and the other is the lead's case which is usually a wooden one. Pencil manufacturing process consist of two different parts, fist lead preparation and then making a case for it.
Ground graphite, clay and water are mixed together to form a graphite dough. Then a process which is called "Forming Press” starts in which the dough is turned in to a graphite rod
which is cut into leads afterwards.
At last leads are heated up to 800 degree centigrade and then are ready for use.
Since each lead needs a case, timbers are changed into groves and then these grooves are cut in wooden slats. In this stage leads are fixed into slats by means of glue which forms the sandwich of slats. [color=blue]Finally the shaping machine creates smooth finish and finished pencils are manufactured. [/color

]

من منظورتون رو از جمله آخر متوجه نشدم
به هر حال امیدوارم که کمکتون کنه

[hooman_teh]

Dear sara how can I thank you? you are doing a great job.And about the last sentences actually I can not understand what does that mean too!! but if you had Focus on Ielts book you can find what does that mean

[Sara.Sh]

Dear sara how can I thank you? you are doing a great job.And about the last sentences actually I can not understand what does that mean too!! but if you had Focus on Ielts book you can find what does that mean

خواهش می کنم. شما باز هم می تونید متن هاتون رو اینجا بذارید
خوشحال میشم اگه کمکی از دستم بر بیاد

[hooman_teh]

God bless you Sara you are incredible.


Are these sentences grammatically correct or not? If not please correct them. Thanks a lot.( Focus page 73):

1) It takes seven times as much water to wash dishes using a dishwasher as it does to wash them by hand.

2) One day's drinking takes a tenth of the water needed for one day's cooking.

3) Watering the garden takes over three times as much water as it does to wash a car.

[hooman_teh]

Dear Friend Pooh,unfortunately I live in Ahwaz these days , thanks for your recommendation

[Sara.Sh]

God bless you Sara you are incredible.


Are these sentences grammatically correct or not? If not please correct them. Thanks a lot.( Focus page 73):

1) It takes seven times as much water to wash dishes using a dishwasher as it does to wash them by hand.

2) One day's drinking takes a tenth of the water needed for one day's cooking.

3) Watering the garden takes over three times as much water as it does to wash a car.

All of the sentences make sense, but I corrected the 2nd to make it sound better (my corrections are in CAPS), and in the third I removed a word in (parentheses).

1) It takes seven times as much water to wash dishes using a dishwasher as it does to wash them by hand.

2) One day's drinking takes a tenth of the water needed for one day's cooking. ONE TENTH OF THE WATER NEEDED FOR ONE DAY'S WORTH OF COOKING IS NEEDED FOR DRINKING.

3) Watering the garden (takes) USES (over) MORE THAN three times as much water as it (does) TAKES to wash a car.

[hooman_teh]

Have newspapers become a medium of the past or do they still play an important role in people's lives?


It is over one hundred years since first newspaper published, however it still plays an important role in our lives. Despite of coming new technologies like internet and enormous television news channels, newspapers' circulation is not decreasing.

However we are now in the age of Information Technology but newspapers still have their fans. It has several reasons, for instance, buying a newspaper is very cheap and you can simply buy it every where and it is handy, you need no special outfit or tools like computer or television. In addition to these, when you read a newspaper article you can find very detailed information. Also some companies which their advertisements are restricted by government and they can not advertise their products on television channels, find newspaper a haven place for introducing their products, such as cigarettes and alcoholic drinks.
On the other hand, newspapers indeed have some disadvantages. The foremost one is, it is time consuming to read them. These days people especially youngsters are in hurry and generally they think it is wasting time to read a newspaper article when someone can simply watch that on television which has audio and video reports too. Also some people think it is waste of paper to print a newspaper.

Finally putting advantages and disadvantages of newspapers beside each other, shows that it has still unique and non-replacing features that amuse their fans like controversial titles leading high circulations.