نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[raha_12]

سلام ممنون میشم یه نگاهی به رایتینگ من بندازین و اشکالاش رو بهم بگین

Why do you think people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities?

Every person has different favorite activities depends on their characteristics, culture even their childhood environment. Cautious people prefer safe activities without any unsafe conditions. In contrast risky people prefer dangerous activities because of feeling excitement. Some people are attracted to dangerous sports like hiking, skiing and others are attracted to dangerous activities like using drugs. So there are two group who prefer dangerous activity and there is variety reasons for their attracting.
The first group who like dangerous sports, search excitement in a safe condition. They think, everybody needs excitement in his life beside his routine life. so they engage to these activities to balance their life. Indeed they choose dangerous sports for their free time. However doing these sports by an expertise group is not really unsafe and people can feel the risky condition in safe. These activities actually help people to be efficiency and during their routine life because we can not omit the benefits of enjoyment activities. Also people want to forget about their boring life and they want to fight boredom by such as activities.
The second group who like dangerous activities like using drugs, also need excitement but they search it in wrong situation. Normally this is current in juveniles. As a result that they can not use their energy in a properiate way so they are attracted to some activities that are virtual excitement. If the government build some gym the number of youth who attended to such activities will be decreased. If there is some healthful activity, juveniles are less attracted to useless activities. The majority of people who do these activities have a hard childhood for instance the researchers have found that people who have addicted parent are most interested in using drugs in compare of people in the same aging range.
There is a result that includes both groups. Some people want to expose themselves so they choose some dangerous activities that encourage others to pay attention to them and praise them and their braveness. For example a young boy is competing in a rally and trying to win for showing to others his capability and talents.
In conclusion, people like risky activities for the requirement of excitement or exposure .Indeed they do them for resolving this requirements. However some resolve it in a properiate way and the others search it in an adverse situation. It is the parents and teachers responsibility to learn children how to manage their requirements and use their energy in useful way.

[shanyj]

میشه نظر بدین لطفا؟ (پاراگراف آخر رو البته میدونم کامل نیست، وقتم تموم شده بود)

For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
A matter of concern turning into an obsession for a great many people is finding a proper job. Some people hold the belief that in order to succeed in a future job, one must concentrate on studying hard in school; while, others adopt the opposite stance and assert that students should not be one-dimensional. They believe that job seekers would not find a good job unless they are able to relate well to people. From my vantage point, the latter seems more tenable of an idea. Below, I will strive to further elucidate my points.
To begin with, there are numerous occupations in which the ability to communicate well with people is an essential requirement. Take the example of a lawyer, for instance. Admittedly, the ability to communicate with his clients is an indispensible part of his job. The more he’s able to relate to people, the more he would be able to flourish in his profession. Similarly, there are a plenty of jobs which require a great deal of contact with people and to be successful in those jobs, individuals need to enhance their social abilities along with their knowledge.
Aside from the above-mentioned point, people who are more sociable and those who are good at making contact with all walks of life, tend to be more attractive cases both to employees and the clients. An example from my own personal experience may shed some light on this point. When I was a newly graduate, I, along with a huge number of applicants, applied for a job in a company. In order to be accepted, we were required to have an interview after we took an entrance exam. Not surprisingly, those who were determined to be more skillful in relating to people, regardless of their knowledge, gain a better score from the interview and thus, stood a better chance to get the job.
Moreover, the ability to make relationship with people can serve as an advertisement. To be clearer, being satisfied with your job, people are bound to recommend you to more people and this way, create a network in which you can broaden your circle of clients. For this to happen, people don't merely consider your knowledge, but the way you treat them. Therefore, beyond a shadow of doubt, the way you relate to people would influence your career.
Taken into consideration the points I mentioned above, I assert that the ability to relate well to people would affect your career and its importance by far outweighs the significance of studying hard in school.

[vahabr1987]

سلام دوستان.من امتحانم نزدیکه، ممنون میشم یه نفر رایتینگمو بخونه و نظرشو بگه. من نمره خیلی بالا میخوام، لطفا بگین چه موردی رو باید تقویت کنم تو رایتینگام.مرسی
In today’s world it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.


With the advent of the age of technology the whole world seem to be moving forward in an unprecedented and ever increasing pace making it difficult for mankind with his restricted abilities and resources to keep up with its pace. In this state of affairs, some emphasis on the importance of working quickly and taking the risks of errors in the result; meanwhile, others advocate slow and accurate work. From my vantage point the latter is by far more tenable of a view.
First and foremost, in some fields of technology there lies such a desperate need for accuracy and caution which hardly leaves space for mistakes. Any minuscule oversight in these delicate matters would result in unimaginable catastrophe and would have devastating consequences. Work fields involving human health are foremost among them, since they can’t afford a single slip. Take the example of Chernobyl disaster for instance, where a simple human mistake resulted in a tremendous catastrophe affecting the lives of thousands of innocent humans.
Additionally, given the huge competition among different businesses and agencies in today’s materialistic and fast-paced world, it’s completely irrational to let any error be in your work as it would serve as a privilege to your numerous potential rivals. In an automobile manufacturing corporation for instance, any error in the work, as prone to cause an unpredictably dire effect on the final result, is possible to make the entire company susceptible to be denigrated by the consumers and rivals.
Citing the great competition among businesses the world over, it’s not the quantity that matters anymore but the quality of the products and services. Consequently, the consumers on the one hand and the owners of enterprises on the other hand, seek high quality and error-free work instead of fast and error-prone ones.
To sum up, considering the probable problems posing as a ramification of working fast and inaccurate, the advantages of a slow but seamless work by far outweigh the pros of doing a quick job which may lead to unforeseen and in times irreparable difficulties.

With the advent of the age of(remove it) technology the whole world seem(seems) to be moving forward in an unprecedented and ever increasing pace making it difficult for mankind with his restricted abilities and resources to keep up with its pace. In this state of affairs, some emphasis on the importance of working quickly and taking the risks of errors in the result; meanwhile,(while) others advocate slow and accurate work. From my vantage point the latter is by far more tenable of a view.
First and foremost [I], in some fields of technology there lies such a desperate need for accuracy and caution which hardly leaves space for mistakes. Any minuscule oversight in these delicate matters would result in unimaginable catastrophe and would (could be left out) have devastating consequences. Work fields involving human health are foremost among them (of paramount importance), since they can’t afford a single slip (in such activities not a single flaw could be afforded). Take the example of Chernobyl disaster for instance (For example, Chernobyl disaster, as an extremely serious event occurred due to human error), where a simple mistake (such a mistake, although supposedly simple,) resulted in a tremendous catastrophe (terrible tragedy) affecting the lives of thousands of innocent humans(people). [You should continue with expressions such as in the second and at the third because you start with the phrase first and foremost and if you do not so, you may lose cohesion in your writing.]
Additionally, given the huge competition among different businesses and agencies in today’s materialistic and fast-paced world, it’s completely (utterly) irrational to let any error be in your work as it would serve as a privilege to your numerous potential rivals. In an automobile manufacturing corporation for instance, any error in the work, as prone to cause an unpredictably dire effect on the final result, is possible to make the entire company susceptible to be denigrated by the consumers (customers) and(or) rivals. Citing the great competition among businesses the world over, it’s not the quantity that matters anymore but the quality of the products and services. Consequently, the consumers on the one hand and the owners of enterprises on the other hand, seek high quality and error-free work (products)instead of fast and error-prone ones.
To sum up, considering the probable problems posing as a ramification of working fast and inaccurate, the advantages of a slow but seamless work by far outweigh the pros of doing a quick job which may lead to unforeseen and in times irreparable difficulties.

من خودم آیلتس دادم و این رو از دید یه آیلتسی بررسی کردم. نکته ای که توی انشاتون واضحه اینه که میخاستین کلمات رو متفاوت به کار ببرین .لی کاملا مسلط نیستین. پیوستگی مطلبتون کمه و میبینیم که با firstشروع کردین ولی من second . third نمی بینم. ولی جترالی خوب بود. مشکل گرامری خاصی من ندیدم . فقط کلمات را به جا استفاده نکردین. ساختارای گرامرتون diverse نیست

[vahabr1987]

سلام ممنون میشم یه نگاهی به رایتینگ من بندازین و اشکالاش رو بهم بگین

Why do you think people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities?

Every person has different favorite activities depends on their characteristics, culture even their childhood environment. Cautious people prefer safe activities without any unsafe conditions. In contrast risky people prefer dangerous activities because of feeling excitement. Some people are attracted to dangerous sports like hiking, skiing and others are attracted to dangerous activities like using drugs. So there are two group who prefer dangerous activity and there is variety reasons for their attracting.
The first group who like dangerous sports, search excitement in a safe condition. They think, everybody needs excitement in his life beside his routine life. so they engage to these activities to balance their life. Indeed they choose dangerous sports for their free time. However doing these sports by an expertise group is not really unsafe and people can feel the risky condition in safe. These activities actually help people to be efficiency and during their routine life because we can not omit the benefits of enjoyment activities. Also people want to forget about their boring life and they want to fight boredom by such as activities.
The second group who like dangerous activities like using drugs, also need excitement but they search it in wrong situation. Normally this is current in juveniles. As a result that they can not use their energy in a properiate way so they are attracted to some activities that are virtual excitement. If the government build some gym the number of youth who attended to such activities will be decreased. If there is some healthful activity, juveniles are less attracted to useless activities. The majority of people who do these activities have a hard childhood for instance the researchers have found that people who have addicted parent are most interested in using drugs in compare of people in the same aging range.
There is a result that includes both groups. Some people want to expose themselves so they choose some dangerous activities that encourage others to pay attention to them and praise them and their braveness. For example a young boy is competing in a rally and trying to win for showing to others his capability and talents.
In conclusion, people like risky activities for the requirement of excitement or exposure .Indeed they do them for resolving this requirements. However some resolve it in a properiate way and the others search it in an adverse situation. It is the parents and teachers responsibility to learn children how to manage their requirements and use their energy in useful way.

Every person has different favorite activities depends(depending) on their characteristics, culture [and] even their (remove it) childhood environment (family background). Cautious people prefer safe activities without any unsafe conditions. In contrast(compared to) risky people (who)prefer(enjoy) dangerous activities because of feeling excitement. Some people(remove it) are attracted to dangerous sports like hiking, skiing and others are attracted to dangerous activities like using drugs. So there are two group who prefer dangerous activity and there is variety reasons for their attracting.
The first group who like dangerous sports, search excitement in a safe condition. They think, everybody needs excitement in his life beside his routine life. so they engage to these activities to balance their life. Indeed they choose dangerous sports for their free time. However doing these sports by an expertise group is not really unsafe and people can feel the risky condition in safe. These activities actually help people to be efficiency and during their routine life because we can not omit the benefits of enjoyment activities. Also people want to forget about their boring life and they want to fight boredom by such as activities.
The second group who like dangerous activities like using drugs, also need excitement but they search it in wrong situation. Normally this is current in juveniles. As a result that they can not use their energy in a properiate way so they are attracted to some activities that are virtual excitement. If the government build some gym the number of youth who attended to such activities will be decreased. If there is some healthful activity(some healthy activities), juveniles are less attracted to useless activities. The majority of people who do these activities have a hard childhood for instance the researchers have found that people who have addicted parent are most interested in using drugs in compare of people in the same aging range.
There is a result that includes both groups. Some people want to expose themselves so they choose some dangerous activities that encourage others to pay attention to them and praise them and their braveness. For example a young boy is competing in a rally and trying to win for showing to others his capability and talents.
In conclusion, people like risky activities for the requirement of excitement or exposure .Indeed they do them for resolving this requirements. However some resolve it in a properiate way and the others search it in an adverse situation. It is the parents and teachers responsibility to learn children how to manage their requirements and use their energy in useful way.
انشاتون مشکلاش زیاده، قید کم استفاده کردین، natural نوشته نشده و دامنه لغاتتون پایینه، مثلا dangerous را چند بار به کار بردین،همچنین باید به کاربرد reduced relative clause ها مسلط باشین،جملاتتون کوتاهه. باید بتونین انواع جملات رو به کار ببرین

[vahabr1987]

A matter of concern turning into an obsession for a great many parents is how to bring up their children so that they can enter the society as well-adjusted adults. I hardly believe that encouraging teenage children to take a part time job would be in harmony whit the goal the parents seek.
To begin with, in order to prepare to enter the community and construct for oneself a visible identity as a competent individual, children need to concentrate on their education. Spending their valuable time on working in their teenage years, children would be deprived of their very basic right of receiving a proper education. Their job would certainly interfere with their studies and consequently will damage the necessary educational skills and abilities they could acquire due to the lack of adequate time for school assignments.
In addition, children of this age are by no means physically capable of taking such responsibility as workforce. Handling the enormous pressure of the issues pertaining to the work environment is admittedly beyond the ability of a young person of that age. Placing the huge responsibility of taking care of a job’s obligation along with attending the school and doing it’s consequent duties will definitely damage the child’s health condition.
Moreover, adolescence is the most awkward stage of one’s life due to the enormous changes it brings about. Going through these huge changes and dealing with its undesirable consequences, children need the intense attention and care of their parents. It is the most irrelevant and irresponsible action of parents to leave these vulnerable creatures in such a harsh world. Parents would be more appreciated if they take care of their children and try to meet their emotional needs until they successfully pass this sensitive stage of life and develop a healthy and strong personality.
To put everything in a nut shell, because of the sensibility of the adolescence and its particular conditions, I assert that obliging children to take a part time job, would not serve as a preparation for their adulthood.

A matter of concern turning into an obsession for a great many parents is how to bring up their children so that they can enter(in order to deliver ) (to) the society as well-adjusted adults. I hardly believe (I consider it unlikely ) that encouraging teenage children to take a part time job would be in harmony whit the goalthe (remove it)parents seek.
To begin with, in order to (if children are to)prepare to enter the community and construct for oneself a visible identity as a competent individual, children (they)need to concentrate on their education. Spending their valuable time on working in their teenage years, children would be deprived of their very basic right of receiving a proper education. Their job would certainly interfere with their studies and consequently will damage the necessary educational skills and abilities they could acquire due to the lack of adequate time for school assignments.
In addition, children of this age are by no means physically capable of taking such responsibility as workforce. Handling the enormous pressure of the issues pertaining to the work environment is admittedly beyond the ability of a young person of that age. Placing the huge responsibility of taking care of a job’s obligation along with attending the school and doing it’s consequent duties will definitely damage the child’s health condition.
Moreover, adolescence is the most awkward stage of one’s life due to the enormous changes(transitions) it brings about. Going through these huge changes and dealing with its undesirable consequences, children need the intense attention and care of their parents. It is the most irrelevant and irresponsible action of parents to leave these vulnerable creatures in such a harsh world. Parents would be more appreciated if they take care of their children and try to meet their emotional needs until they successfully pass this sensitive stage of life and develop a healthy and strong personality.
To put everything in a nut shell, because of the sensibility of the adolescence and its particular conditions, I assert that obliging children to take a part time job, would not serve as a preparation for their adulthood
جنرالی خوب نوشتین، ایرادایی هم که من میزارم خیلی ریزند. کلا بقیه انشاهاتون هم من دیدم. خوب بودند.

[Tarkan78]

Salam; Thanks for the essay
I skimmed your writing. Several good points are seen in your work but let's focus on the negative ones

Your grammar needs to be improved; Example: "Meanwhile" in the first paragraph should be replaced with something like "On the other hand" or "On the contrary". "Can't" is not correct in official written English, "Cannot" is
Punctuation should be done better
Try not to translate your thoughts directly from Persian to English
Be careful about ARTICLES
One more thing I'd like to encourage you to think about is using "AND" in the essays! So many time you used "and" in the essay in order for connecting sentences/phrases. Instead of "and", you have to cleverly use appropriate connections like "Moreover", "Furthermore", "Plus", "On the other" hand and so forth. It's very important

Wish you success

سلام دوستان.من امتحانم نزدیکه، ممنون میشم یه نفر رایتینگمو بخونه و نظرشو بگه. من نمره خیلی بالا میخوام، لطفا بگین چه موردی رو باید تقویت کنم تو رایتینگام.مرسی
In today’s world it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.


With the advent of the age of technology the whole world seem to be moving forward in an unprecedented and ever increasing pace making it difficult for mankind with his restricted abilities and resources to keep up with its pace. In this state of affairs, some emphasis on the importance of working quickly and taking the risks of errors in the result; meanwhile, others advocate slow and accurate work. From my vantage point the latter is by far more tenable of a view.
First and foremost, in some fields of technology there lies such a desperate need for accuracy and caution which hardly leaves space for mistakes. Any minuscule oversight in these delicate matters would result in unimaginable catastrophe and would have devastating consequences. Work fields involving human health are foremost among them, since they can’t afford a single slip. Take the example of Chernobyl disaster for instance, where a simple human mistake resulted in a tremendous catastrophe affecting the lives of thousands of innocent humans.
Additionally, given the huge competition among different businesses and agencies in today’s materialistic and fast-paced world, it’s completely irrational to let any error be in your work as it would serve as a privilege to your numerous potential rivals. In an automobile manufacturing corporation for instance, any error in the work, as prone to cause an unpredictably dire effect on the final result, is possible to make the entire company susceptible to be denigrated by the consumers and rivals.
Citing the great competition among businesses the world over, it’s not the quantity that matters anymore but the quality of the products and services. Consequently, the consumers on the one hand and the owners of enterprises on the other hand, seek high quality and error-free work instead of fast and error-prone ones.
To sum up, considering the probable problems posing as a ramification of working fast and inaccurate, the advantages of a slow but seamless work by far outweigh the pros of doing a quick job which may lead to unforeseen and in times irreparable difficulties.

[Ninita]

salaam
I would be grateful if anyone could tell her/his opinion about my essay.Thank you so much

Should people do things that they do not like?*When it comes to the issue of doing thing that we do not like some people believes it is better to do not acts like this while others maintain the opposite view. As far as I am concerned, the later opinion carries more weight. I will present some of the most prominent facts to support my viewpoint. Improving knowledge, Meeting new people, and having more fun are my three reasons. Firstly, by doing novel staff we can provide a large range of knowledge that maybe it does not happen without having a new experience like this. To clarify this, some old people around us had never tried to utilize technology such as computers, as they deem this kind of thing is useless and it is useful just for young people. In contrast, this machine could bring a lot of new information for them. Also, they can enjoy of playing with computers in some areas like a puzzle or pastor. In other example, when we try to do a different work we are able to promote our ability to find variety of knowledge. I've remembered when I was in high school I tried to participate in student election, even though I had some powerful rivals. I did all my best because I wanted it and finally I could beat all of them and had been chosen as a winner, thus after that I could achieve numbers of new experience by being in a group. Secondly, always it is not possible to meet new people and find some friends. For instance, last year there were a situation for me to change my job but, new one was not my favorite and it was quite diverse with all my desires. Furthermore, it was far from my home and could be difficult to go there every day. By all those negative points, it got to bring an opportunity for me to meet some folk or increase my friends around myself. At the moment that I am working there, I am dramatically satisfied with my job. I could make a strong relationship with my friends here and have a pleasant time with them. Last but not least, although it can be hard to interact with new situations, some research has been shown that it might change mood in people and help them to have more flexibility in their behavior. To illustrate this, few months ago my friends and I had a bored time after our term in university. So we decided to arrange a new thing in our apartment. After that we found our place in different colors on walls and some new staffs in bedrooms. It was really horrible to tolerate there but, after days it put me in a good mood! All in all, try to do a task that is not our favor is comparatively hard; however, it can be feasible to alter our life in some status and progress many aspect little by little to change our routine days.

[Ninita]

سلام دوستان. من این یکی رو هم امروز نوشتم. لطفا اگه وقت کردین یه نگاه بندازین و بهم بگین سطح رایتینگمو. اندکی نگرانم! please :دی

***Agree/disagree=there is nothing that an uneducated person teach educated one

When it comes to the issue of teaching by uneducated person to educated one, some people believe it is better to do it while others maintain the opposite view. As far as I am concerned, the later one carries more weight. I will present some of the most prominent facts to support my viewpoint. Less experience, reduce proper evaluating in society, and increase depression are my reasons.

Firstly, I firmly believe that when a person go to university and try to get some degree like as bachelor or master or in PhD, absolutely could earn lots of knowledge and novel staff in science. To illustrate my point, I've tried since many years ago to get my master degrees. Owning to my purpose, I ought to study with a hard method to obtain my goals. Thus, I had to examine a wide range of books in my course and finally I could achieve all those that I wanted. In contrast, before I had started to achieve numerous task in my academic life, I was really weak and that was dramatically negative to accept me to teach some people who are upper than me in education.

Secondly, when a person who is uneducated could teach the educated one, it can hurt the systematic evaluating in a society even though, the first one got enough eligibility. For instance, in a high school that I graduated, my English teacher had not have a qualification; Nevertheless, the other teacher in English who had certification always was in a same situation even with high quality and it could decrease a suitable evaluation in our school and after that in my society because still I can touch this kind of problems without arranging any solutions.

Last but not least, by giving some opportunity to people who does not have any educated background, we can increase some hidden problems that lead to depression. In other words, some friends around me who could get the best grade in university and be an excellent one could not find an appropriate job due to some chances for uneducated persons. In my experience, when some people have someone who can help him even without any strong education thus, there is not any available situation for some people who deserve it. Furthermore, it could brought high percentage in depression occur.

.All in all, it can be a good idea to teach by few uneducated people but it would damage large range aspect in our life.

[shanyj]

سلام دوست عزیز، بسیار ممنون از وقتی که گذاشتید
فقط خیلی کمک بهتری بود اگه یه سری از نکاتی که به طور کلی گفتید توی رایتینگ مشخص میکردین مثلا:

Be careful about ARTICLES

چون من قطعا میدونم که یه سری چیزا نیاز به کار داره ولی تو این فرصت کم اینکه

Punctuation should be done better

خیلی کمکی بهم نمیکنه. اگه به طور خاص اشاره بشه خیلی عالیه
و دیگه اینکه من and رو سرچ کردم و به نظر خودم کمتر برای وصل کردن جمله ها استفاده شده.ممکنه چند مورد رو های لایت کنید؟
باز هم ممنون

[ghasemshams]

سلام دوستان

لطفا Essay منو بخونید و نظرتونو بدید. لطفا بگید نمره ام چند میشه. این اولین Essay‌ منه.
ممنونم از همتون

Why go to University?
Is there some body who doesn’t like to have a better life? Or anyone who doesn't like to achieve more success? Undoubtedly, answer is not. We are all looking for a better and easier life. Therefore, we need some ways to make our lives easier and better. One of most convenient ways to obtain a more pleasant life is going to college. People attend college or university for different reasons, some go college to make new friends, another group of people enter college to increase their knowledge of themselves and the world around them. Of course, many attend college to enhance their chance to get more appropriate professions.
First of all, some people have no purpose of going college except making new friends. These friends can be professors, students or other staffs. These kinds of people don't like to have uneventful lives, so they try to taste making new friends. They believe that friends are the best wealth one can gain. The more friends they have, the more beautiful their lives will become. For example, when I was student in university in Tehran, there was a friend who told me that he never give up making new friends, he firmly believed that all things rather than friendship will disappear.
Secondly, some people enter college to enhance their knowledge and what they know about the world. As we all know, human beings has always being so curious. We, humans, not only want to know about them, but we are thirsty to get knowledge about the world around ourselves. From this point of view, university is the right place for those who desire to learn more and more. In university, they can learn about various subjects, such as social sciences, physics, chemistry, and other areas.
Last but not the least, nowadays, many people go to college to augment their chances to obtain appropriate jobs. Today's world has become more advanced than a few decades ago. Furthermore, the more advanced our technology become, the more we need to have specialists and well-educated people. What’s more, these days, there is a huge demand for job and the ratio of job opportunities to the number of unemployed people has dropped. In addition to this fact, companies' managers are hiring people with higher level of educations. These all mean there are a growing competitive job market. Hence, people who want to have proper jobs are thinking to go college and university. Actually, the higher education someone has, the better chance he or she will have to attain a better profession, consequently, a better and easier life.
Some people go to college to become familiar with new people, many attend college to increase their knowledge, and many other go to make their job future better. Whatever the reason, all people are looking more convenient lives through going college or university.