نقل قول نوشته اصلی توسط sana02 نمایش پست ها
سلام دوستای خوبم. من هم یه دونه انشا دارم ممنون میشم نگاه بندازید. قبلش فقط یه سوال دارم.
من همیشه برای رایتینگ یک طرف رو انتخاب میکنم بسطش میدم و دفاع میکنم ازش. اما واقعا کم و بیش پیش میاد نه خیلی برای این طرف حرف دارم نه برای اونطرف. اینجور مواقع دلم میخواد یه چیز بینابینی بنویسم. اینبار دلو به دریا زدم یکی رو اینطوری نوشتم. میشه دوستان اهل فنی که تا به حال این مدل نوشتن رو دیدن یا خوندن و میتونن دربارش نظر بدن یه نگاهی بندازن وبگن کارم چقدر اشکال داره؟ به علاوه من دقیقا دو هفته دیگه امتحانمه. ایا توصیه میکنید من روی این مدل جدید دو سه تا بنویسم که اگه احتیاج شد روز امتحان بتونم از عهدش بربیام؟
به علاوه من چند تا جمله و استراکچری که همیشه خیلی بهشون مشکوک بودم و ازشون استفاده نمیکردم رو توی این انشام به کار بردم به خاطر همین تصحیح نامه این انشا خیلی برام ارزشمند خواهد بود و همین الان خیلی خیلی از دوستانی که زحمت میکشن سپاسگزاری میکنم. چند تا غلط املایی هم متن داره که از اونجایی که هیچ تصحیحی نکردم اگه فرصت و زمانشو داشتید و یه حدود نمره به من بگید خیلی خوب خواهد بود.
دوباره هم خیلی ممنونم.
سوال؟ دوستای تازه پیداکنیم یا دوستای قدیمی رو حفظ کنیم.

Making friend is a human's fundamental need. All people like and need to be in relationship with the other people, especially with their friend. The question is that which one is more important, developing new friendships or keeping our old friends. In my view, people should work on both of them. There are numerous reasons why I think so and I want to explore only a few of more important ones here.

To begin, all people need to have someone who they can trust on. Finding such a person is not an easy task at all, and when you succeed to find such a person you name him or her "friend"; on the other hand, making a true friend is associated with many difficulties beacuse he or she should meet all your criteria for a real friend, and due to this, it is truly worthwhile to try to keep your friends. You may be in a situation that you do not have enough time to spend with your old friends; nevetheless, you should try to find to some quality time because you may need your friends to help you or to share something with them, something important such as your secrets, in future and that time you may become aware that you lost them; as it would be really hard to find an appropriate person at that time, you should try to keep them.

On the other side, making a new friend is as important, if not more important than keeping your old ones. The main reason is that all people change and and so do your friends and you; as a result, it is really possible that after a while you do not heve something valuable in common with your old friends. Besides, it is possible that you discover a new area of your personality and you need to be in touch with some one who is similar to you at that area; nonetheless, as it is a new area of your charachteristics, your old friends may be different from you at that new area, and due to this, you will not be able to match with them and you will need to make new friends.

To put it in a nut-shell, although, some people suggest that you should keep your old friends and some recommend you to focus on makeing new ones, I strongly suggest that you should work on both of them. Because in terms of your old friends, needless to say, you made effort to meke true freinds ,and hence, it is worth to keep them, and in terms of making new friends, as you would change, you would need to be in touch with some one who have something in common with you in your new intersts; as a resul, working on both of them will enrich your life.
good choice of words, although repitition of some words to depict the same meaning sounds harsh. as an example, in ur topic paragraph once you used the word important, then again u used it at the end of .
the paragraph, u could use similar words to paraphrase
Trust on? i have never heard of it. we either have trust in or trust to. you could have used rely on
again usage of important in third paragraph, not wrong but shows writers lack of verbal resources. and i guess the right one is as importance.
again important, kidding?
Yet the usage of YOU as a pronoun is good to refer to everyone, but its sounds like you are ordering the reader. it spreads allover your writing, use it less. above all, it is your opinion
=repeating of ideas ans words in the last paragraph. "have something in common". you should be aware that people who mark your writing can degrade your score cause of this error.
last but not least, try to brainstorm before you start writing, couple of minutes will do the work. This way you wont have to face the fact that you are lacking ideas to write about.
use templates, good structures to beautify you writing and to make it more academic.
at the end, i read it all but i did not find your topic sentence, neither in conclusion nor in topic paragraph.
be more specific about it, cause it shows you have a plan to follow
good luck