نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[federico]

Hi everyone. This is for tpo 6, I’m really grateful for your continuedsupport.

integrated
The professor strongly believes that the criticisms posed upon Communal online encyclopedias are totally unfair and in fact are the products of sheer prejudice on their success and their widespread credit and use. She concretely asserts the reasons one might give to discredit the arguments presented in the reading.


The first issue that has been stated in the presented piece is that more errors and incorrect information are found in Online encyclopedias. This is far from the truth, because if we look for a comprehensive perfectly written encyclopedia, we will be disappointed in either online or offline format, and regarding this matter traditional offline encyclopedia are no better. What's more, there is an advantage in respect to online encyclopedias that traditional ones lack, namely the easy process of correcting mistakes online which can be done instantly and continuously.

The argument against the vulnerability of information in online encyclopedias is not true too. Because, there are many counter measures that have been taken to prevent vandals from altering the content and insuring the perseverance of critical information. This is achieved by putting some of the format in read-only format and restricting access to them by anyone. There are also some special editors in each subject that constantly review the materials for false modifications and correctness.

In respect to the third argument, which points out to the loss of hierarchical structure for more important core entries and their salience in online encyclopedias, one can conveniently repudiate it, because in contrast to classic encyclopedias in online ones there is no bound on the amount of content and so the ordering and salience of materials is irrelevant. Besides that online encyclopedias enjoy a greater diversity regarding the materials and disciplines, and unlike what's mentioned in the reading, in reality there are many excellent advanced scientific entries found in online encyclopedias and the presence of such articles is not scarce at all.

با سلام

با اجازه از اساتید من هم یه سری نکاتی که فکر میکنم علمم میرسه که میتونه بهتر نوشته بشه را اشاره کنم شاید مفید باشه. البته اینو بگم که من هیچ گاه تافل امتحان ندادم و با فرمش چندان آشنا نیستم و فقط در مورد بحث کلی Writing نظراتم را میگم:

(( به ترتب قسمت هایی که رنگی شدن))

۱: "O" میبایست کوچک نوشت بشه چون Proper noun نیست.

۲: این ساختار درست نیست. بهتره این قسمت را به صورت Comprehensive and well-written encyclopedia یا Comprehensive, well-written encyclopedia بنویسید.

۳: این قسمت را بهتره به صورت یک جمله دیگه بنویسید چون این جوری اصلا جمله Smooth نیست.

۴: کاربرد اینگونه ‌Because برای بیان دلیل جمله قبلی اشتباه هست. یا میتونید نقطه را با کاما عوض کنید یا یک ساختار دیگه به کار بگیرید.

۵: تا جایی که من میدونم Besides that درست نیست. Besides the fact that میتونه جایگزین بشه.

۶: جمله آخر هم به نظر من خیلی بهتر میتونه نوشته بشه.

من پیشنهاد میکنم به جای طولانی کردن جملات و پیچیده کردن اونها، بهتر هست جملات را کمی کوتاه تر کنید ( نه خیلی که Choppy بشه) و از قیود مختلف هم، البته در جای مناسب، بیشتر استفاده کنید.

[ipot]

سلام دوستان
آگه ممکنه essay من رو proofread کنید
با تشکر


Agree or disagree? People who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages.

Having a better life has always been mankind's most important priority. The environment which we live, determines our satisfaction with our lives. Recently providing a better and prosperous life has hogged the limelight and become a source of contention between people. While a misbelief prevails among some people that living in simpler environment like villages, brings about happier life than living in cities. There are other people, including me, who believe wholeheartedly that living in big cities can bring about unique job opportunities with high income for people and can provide promising future for the people.

Admittedly, bigger a city is, better the opportunities are. People who dwell in big cities have chances to encounter suitable jobs with high allowance. By earning more money people will be able to improve their lives and live in a satisfying condition. I remember my grandfather would tell us the story of his uprooting from his village and taking risk to make stride. Once he told me that if he was coward and did not leave his village, he would have worked in their field with his father and work for a pittance. But he said, nothing daunted, I have to do this. After 20 years of hard working, now he owns a prosperous company which has created jobs for 120 people. Thus, living in cities can bring about positive consequences for people.

There is a saying that people with high income live it up and do not feel any pain in their lives. These people have chance to take advantage of their money and spend it to create a desirable living condition for themselves and their families. According to some statistics, people who earn a lot of money and are able to spend it in what activities they want, will not be susceptible to any depression and concomitant maladies. Based on the aforementioned statistics, since these people are happy with their lives and believe they have not spared their precious time in vain, so they become satisfied in their lives. Thereafter, living in big cities with much more opportunities and much more recreation activities can offer people a happy life.

In a nutshell, coming across more job opportunities and having a good chance to make strides, besides having different and satisfying activities for spending time are my main argument. People who take stance against my argument, cling only to this flimsy argument that by living in villages you will have peaceful life and enjoy it. These people disregard the magnitude of monetary issue in our lives.

[mahnaz_elec]

سلام.
از آقای سامان عزیز برای وقت و دانشی که در اختیارم گذاشتن واقعا ممنونم.
یه رایتینگ دیگه نوشتم که ممنونم میشم اگه از دوستان کسی نگاش کنه و ایرادات کارم رو بگه. خیلی ممنون

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Among all the characters that a successful person has, communication skill is the most important.

It is established beyond doubt that each individual human is involved with many different characteristics. Some of these characteristics such as communication skills, having a sense of humor and having a sense of philanthropy are common between majorities of humans. All these characteristics paly essential role in our lives. One of the most controversial questions which is often raised regarding this issue is to determine the most essential character that ends up to becoming a successful person. Although majority of people may argue that it is a general truth that the communication skills is the most crucial characteristic of a successful person, others maintain that there are other characteristics that outweigh communication skills in this regard. As a matter of fact, I agree with the former perspective and I will elucidate my point of view through the following paragraphs.
The first reason that comes to mind at the first moment of thinking about this issue is related to the fact that each individual’s success is not apart from others people. It is an indisputable truth that as a sociable creature, we all need to communicate with each other. In addition, success feeling usually comes from the society’s point of view. To shed some light on this issue, consider an employee in a company. He might be known as a successful employee if the majority of people in that company regard him as a successful person. Considering this fact, in order to acquire other people’s positive perspective about yourself, you should be able to communicate with them clearly.
The second reason which is worth mentioning is that communication is the most substantial means of expressing one’s feeling, thoughts, etc. Without communication you can not make others aware of your feeling nor can you get aware of their feelings. Without having a good communication skill it is very probable that serious misunderstandings happen among people which would end up to their anger, disappointment or any other bad feelings. As an example consider a misunderstanding happening between two people of two different cultures. For example in my country, when you want to drink water, you should ask any one near you if they want water or not and if you do not do so, you might seem to be somehow impolite. However, this attitude might seem odd for someone from a forging country, and if he could not communicate with people in my country, he might receive negative feedbacks when he drinks water, while he does not know the reason.
To wrap it up, all the aforementioned arguments above lead us to the conclusion that as social creatures, our success in both personal and professional lives is convoluted with other people and in order to become happy, one needs to have a skillful communication characteristic. But that was just a story in a nutshell. Actually there are some other reasons and examples which were not mentioned above. All in all, I readily concur that “the communication skill is the most essential characteristics of each individual for being successful”

[kn22]

سلام
این تسک دو تی پی او 14 هست... ممنون میشم راهنمایی کنین
با تشکرات فراوان
Traveling is an inevitable and primary need of people now. Living in the polluted cities, struggling with different challenges, feeling overwhelmed and anxious in a series of routine days can only heal by traveling. Now, the problem is that where to go? Should we visit foreign countries or just can benefit our country's spectacular views. Although many prefer to choose foreign countries, some prefer to stay in their country. In my point of view, traveling in our own country can have more benefits rather than going to foreign countries. There should be ample reasons which approve my opinion; two of those are: We can save more money by traveling in our own country than traveling to other countries, and we can benefit our country's economy.
The main aspect to point out is that we can save more money. Being the same all the conditions, going to a foreign country less and more costs a lot. Because, not only we should pay for excessive payments, like visa, but also transportation costs can be higher. For example, one time I and one of my friends decided to take a trip. He resisted to visit France, but I could not afford it. Eventually, he went to France with one of his friends and I decided to go to one of our country's cities. After we came back, we calculated our trip's expenses. He spent five times more than me. Besides, I was on trip relatively 4 days more than him. It means killing two birds with one stone, instead of traveling to a foreign country, I can travel four more times and save more money. Is this not fabulous? So, by traveling this way we can spend less money, save more money, and travel more frequently.
In addition, we benefit out country's economy. Tourism can play an essential role in a country's economy. Tourists spend a lot of money in their trips, so this money can improve the economy in different ways, such using to create jobs. For example, someone who wants to spend 2000 dollars on traveling, it is better to use it in his own country rather in a foreign country. This way his own country will improve and he benefits again of this. Therefore, by spending money in our country we can improve our country's economy.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement that people benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. First they can spend less money and save more. Second, they will help themselves indirectly, by improving their country's economy. At last, I suggest cancel your airplane Paris ticket and go to your country's nearest spectacular city.

[Saman_R]

سلامخواهشمندم این متن رو هم یه تصحیح کننده قوی تصحیح کنه.پیشاپیش ممنون

Individual Sports or Team Sports?
Nowadays, sports have an important role in ‘duty-life’ cycle of each society. Anyone in any society try to
plan for doing sports individually or by attending team sports, inasmuch as sports guarantee health. In
addition, the attitude of these individuals have a direct effect on providing a kind of sports in a society.
It stands to reason that this trait contributes to development of sports in any society. There is an exotic
people’s tendency to doing individual sports rather than team sports, although they watch team sports
such as football, volleyball, basketball, and basketball, to name but a few more.
Developed countries such as United States of America, Canada, England, and Russia, to name but a
handful, concentrate quite a few supply of investments on individual sports which have beneficial
effects on the place of these countries in the world. In this context, every country attempt to stable the
attendance in the universe by different ways. Accordingly, investment on individual sports with less time
and expenditure will be given them this goal in that the number of medals or stocks which is given in
individual sports especially some events, namely Olympics are more than in team sports. For instance,
China get the most medals in each Olympics, because it makes an immense investment in these
tournaments according to the number of athletes whom this country can evoke for competitions.
Psychological theory interprets individual sports as a solution for intrinsic motivation. Each sport
motivates athletes intrinsically or extrinsically. The intrinsic motivation satisfies psychological needs
such as competence, relatedness, and autonomy. Greater feelings of autonomy causing more freedom
to making decision lead individuals to solo responsibility for strategies of success. On the other hand a
large amount of coordination was needed for changing strategies indisputably in team sports. This
attribute even affects future life of emeritus athletes of individual sports who are proprietors of
successful business. In other words, the spirit of entrepreneurship of these individuals will be the most
essential factor of survivability in a predicament and todays, the presence of these individuals in a
society provides this evidence.
In conclusion, with all this taken into account, individual sports have some invaluable effects on policy of
countries and physical body of humans, although the excitement of team sports under the vision of
audience supposedly is more. Choosing each type of sport surely will be valuable, even though this
choice will be a constraint. It is possible that someone choose a kind of sport against one’s interest, but
there are some expectation that people select individual sports or team sports according to their needs
without considering effects of Orwellian level of government knowledge. So, selection of individual
sports for all goals represented above will be gainful.

It’s fascinating. A lot of unique and hard words by which the essay has been considered amazing
You should regard the paragraphs
array the paragraphs in 5
Some mistakes
Tips in PDF
Hope looked useful

GOOD LUCK

[raminziaei]

سامان عزیز امکانش هست نظرتون رو در مورد این متن هم بفرمایید ؟ با تشکر

Question: Nowadays many governments spend a large amount of money on space exploration. Some people agree with it, but others believe that this amount of money should be better spent on man’s basic needs. Which one do you agree with and why?

It goes without saying that space exploration has been a controversial issue since its advent. While some people believe that it is a good idea to spend lots of money on space exploration for future generations, others disagree with this idea. The second group believes that this money should be spent on their basic needs to have a better life. Which one is more worthwhile?
Some people do not believe in this kind of exploration, and they state it is a waste of time and money. They think that there is nothing out there in the space. These people are concerned with their daily needs. They prefer to have a better educational system for their children, a more convenient public transportation system, and so forth. For instance, we have a neighbor who always points out that our government, instead of endangering those explorers’ lives and wasting our money, should build a park in our neighborhood!
However, some people believe that this sort of exploration in necessary for us. First, it will boost our knowledge about our universe. It may seem unimportant, but it is undoubtedly important to become aware that how our planet was originated or how the universe is changing. In addition, recent studies have shown that some of the energy sources available in our planet are going to be finished very soon. Furthermore, the ozone layer has been seriously damaged recently, and this incident is affecting the Earth. These factors are changing our planet to a place which is not suitable for living in anymore. So, it is necessary to find another planet which is suitable to live in for our next generations. This kind of exploration needs a large amount of money, and it is unavoidable. For example, recently, scientists have found a planet which is unbelievably similar to our planet. They state that there is a chance for this planet to become our new home, but this investigation needs further exploration which means it needs more money.
I, personally, believe that spending this amount of money on space exploration is a must. According to recent studies, we absolutely need to find a new place for living in, and governments should support these explorations. However, many only focus on their mundane needs. Next generations will thank us for trying to find such a livable planet.

[mani_faz]

I’m really grateful for your comments, and your encouragements motivates me.
I have one general question, I always use two verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc to emphasize my point and make it clearer. Do you think is it a good idea to continue doing that or it shows that my inability to pinpoint the one appropriate word?

Integrated:
Based on the content of the lecture, the arguments given for the non-adaptation of ecocertification by wood companies is not as trivial as the reading suggest. The professor gives lucid logical reasons that counteract and neutralize the factors described in the passage.


Considering the overall distrust and doubt American citizens show toward advertisement in consumer products, it is not necessarily true that they treat every ad and labels on the products the same. In contrast, most of them, especially the more ecologically aware, more caring customers, significantly look different upon the frequent deceiving labels put up by the companies themselves, compared with those certified by a third, independent party that enjoys international reputation and credit. So in essence, they trust in the authenticity of these ecocertifications and thus will be inclined to purchase them.

Regarding the natural disposition of American customers to buy cheaper products in all cases and circumstances, the claim seems to have ignored some exceptions. For instance, a recent study on how people's choices are affected by the price of items, is indicative of the fact that, when the price gap between two items in a category is negligible (within 5 percent), other factors beside the price also come into play and affect their decision, as is the case in wood products which differ only by a couple of bucks in price.


The last argument points out to the alleged innecessity of wood companies of this ecocertification process because export does not constitute a large part of the income. This is not a reasonable explanation that would eradicate the adoption of this system, since if they do not accommodate the needs of local environment-friendly customers, foreign companies will jump and use this opportunity to take a significant part of the market and they will be at loss.
---------------------------------------
Independent: It is more important for students to learn concept and ideas that it is for them to learn facts

For centuries, human kind has been pondering over what contributes a prosperous and successful life and guarantees survival in this dynamic volatile world. One may even argue that establishing educational institutions was an attempt on our side, to provide a possible solution to this prominent mystery. But after a while, the question changed to, even if we surmise that education leads to a better life, what should be the focus of education, meticulously memorizing facts, or somehow instead extract the gist of scientific inquiry. In the rest of the essay, I argue that the latter is of more importance and I will add some details to clarify my point.


We live in societies where automation and technological advancement has substituted most of the traditional mechanical arduous tasks, which constantly required human supervision and observation. For instance, the need for human workers in a tremendous number of factories has been elevated and most of the process is being controlled and run by smart machines and methods instead. Indeed not only we need less workers, we are also experiencing a downsize in the clerical staff too. This is the result of the evolutionary magic that Internet has brought about, we don't need a lot of salespersons because online shopping is really widespread and popular. So mechanical perfunctory jobs are not in demand any more, instead we need people who can think analytically and reform the process using innovative ideas. Consequently, learning the essence of science, not just rudimentary facts, and learning how to analyze and improve procedures, is of more value, and this is undoubtedly the result of learning the core of the materials.


As I've mentioned before, having a more analytical mindset is the result of more emphasis on learning concepts and ideas. This enhanced ability of mind, is also useful in other realm of life. As a concrete example, in social interactions, individuals who analyze the situation without losing any details, can resolve challenges and problems more conveniently, because they don't fall into the trap of thinking into stereotype and presumed patterns.

The last but not the least explanation I give, is that in real life the exact situations , as is described in the textbook is very unlikely to trigger. So if you have learned the principles instead of mere examples of that phenomenon, you can apply it in any circumstances and conditions and you are not bound to limited set of applications. Like how a doctor, is able to prognosis a disease based on the symptoms and also analyze the possible interactions it might have with other maladies that the patient may exhibit, instead of just having learned the specific symptoms of each disease.

All in all, I believe critical thinking provides tremendous advantages to us, and we should move toward thinking more analytically about science and our studies.

[nazhinee]

سلام به دوستان ... لطفا میشه یه نگاهی بندازین
ممنونم
Managing money is one of the crucial abilities nowadays. Low salaries, high expenses, on the other hand, lead us to learn how to manage our income. But when should we anticipate a person to have this ability? Some people thinks it is not appropriate to teach from such young ages, although some thinks differently. In my point of view, we must start it from young ages. There must be ample reasons which illustrate this opinion: Two of those are: adult's behaviors are based on their childhood ones, and Changing ones behavior is much easier in young ages compared to adults.
The main aspect to point out is that childhood experiences come into adolescence behaviors. As psychologists claim, root of every most of our abilities can be find in child ages. If a person learns how to come up with his/her financial challenges, it can be predictable s/he can manage his income in later ages. For example, when I was a child my father paid me a constant amount of money monthly. I should manage in a way to spend it over a month. However, in first months it was very hard to stay on the money by the end of the month, but later I could readily manage my expenses and even sometimes save some money. Thanks to my father’s tact, as a result, now I can asset that I am a professional finance manager.
In addition, changing behaviors is easier in young ages than older ages. A young person usually consent swiftly with a useful statement, however we must reason a lot for an adult to change his/her opinion or behavior. So, if there is any problem in a young person financial problem it could be solve expeditiously. For instance, as i said, there were some months I could not manage my money until the end of the month. Fortunately, my father was monitoring me all the time. After each problem i encountered, he gave me some pieces of advices to handle my problem. Consequently, I could be well-organized in financial issues. A positive change that I would not imagine it in my adolescence. As I illustrated, changing adverse points is easier in childhood and can benefit more in childhood.
Suffice to say, learning children to manage their financial affairs has a myriad of advocates. By this, not only this behavior remain until their old ages, but also amending negative behaviors is easier in childhood. So, does not have merit to let your child learn his/her future needed skills now?

[Saman_R]

سلام دوستان، ممنون میشم اگه وقت داشتید نظرتون رو در مورد رایتینگ من هم بگید. به نظر میاد در مقایسه با بقیه خیلی ساده مینویسم
اینو تو 30 دقیقه جمعش کردم (388 لغت)، 5 تا غلط تایپی هم داشتم که اصلاح شده تو این متن.
پیشاپیش ممنون.

Question: Nowadays many governments spend a large amount of money on space exploration. Some people agree with it, but others believe that this amount of money should be better spent on man’s basic needs. Which one do you agree with and why?

It goes without saying that space exploration has been a controversial issue since its advent. While some people believe that it is a good idea to spend lots of money on space exploration for future generations, others disagree with this idea. The second group believes that this money should be spent on their basic needs to have a better life. Which one is more worthwhile?
Some people do not believe in this kind of exploration, and they state it is a waste of time and money. They think that there is nothing out there in the space. These people are concerned with their daily needs. They prefer to have a better educational system for their children, a more convenient public transportation system, and so forth. For instance, we have a neighbor who always points out that our government, instead of endangering those explorers’ lives and wasting our money, should build a park in our neighborhood!
However, some people believe that this sort of exploration in necessary for us. First, it will boost our knowledge about our universe. It may seem unimportant, but it is undoubtedly important to become aware that how our planet was originated or how the universe is changing. In addition, recent studies have shown that some of the energy sources available in our planet are going to be finished very soon. Furthermore, the ozone layer has been seriously damaged recently, and this incident is affecting the Earth. These factors are changing our planet to a place which is not suitable for living in anymore. So, it is necessary to find another planet which is suitable to live in for our next generations. This kind of exploration needs a large amount of money, and it is unavoidable. For example, recently, scientists have found a planet which is unbelievably similar to our planet. They state that there is a chance for this planet to become our new home, but this investigation needs further exploration which means it needs more money.
I, personally, believe that spending this amount of money on space exploration is a must. According to recent studies, we absolutely need to find a new place for living in, and governments should support these explorations. However, many only focus on their mundane needs. Next generations will thank us for trying to find such a livable planet.

Well-done
Fascinating
Considering the time, it's satisfactory
A few mistakes but some tips
in PDF


GOOD LUCK

[mani_faz]

Do you think I am over explaining thins? For this set I had no time to revise and correct my mistakes in the exam time? Should I spend less time elaborating on issues?
Thanks for your extremely helpful comments in advance?

Integrated part:
The professor makes an attempt to respond meticulously to the issues raised in the passage, and the arguments she make, cast serious doubt on the authenticity of the claims mentioned in the reading, and make it strongly likely that Chevelier's memoirs are credible historical resources.

The first paradox raised against the claims of Chevalier, being both truly opulent and being needy to borrow a considerable amount of money from his comrades, can clearly be explained using an alternative explanation. As is commonplace for most of affluent figures, Chevalier’s wealth was chiefly dormant in his manifold building and estates, and as is commonplace in comparable cases, it took some time before he could sell these assets and accommodate his pecuniary needs, especially considering the fact that he was a real gambler and as a result, could easily lose a significant amount of his wealth over a night.

It should also be noted that although, the memoirs of Chevalier’s meeting with Voltaire, has been written many years after their incidence, there are credible evidence that suggests, Chevelier had registered every little detail about these meeting the night they happened, and as some witnesses have stated, he frequently utilized some references and his personal notes from the past, to complete his memoir.

Regarding the possible exaggeration and fabrication that Chevelier might have intentionally made to his prison escape to make the book more captivating, there is enough trustable evidence that makes it very unlikely for him, to have just fabricated the whole story. First, there were more influential imprisoners who had really powerful contacts to exonerate them from the guilt, and by bribing set them free from prison, but nevertheless, none of them ever escaped from the same jail. Furthermore, an official document issued by the Venice government at that time, clearly is indicative of an imperative repair of one of the rooms in the prison, right after the date which Chevalier claims to have broken free from the building.

Independent: Do you think TV ads for children aged 2 to 5 years old should be banned?

It is established beyond doubt, that advertising and it's flamboyant presence in our daily life, greatly impacts our decisions on variegated aspects of our daily activities and even our beliefs. What's more, children are dramatically more vulnerable to ads, especially the ones shown on TV, because of their inability to realize the big industry that feed from these colorful scenes. In the rest of my essay, I delve further into the specific reasons that makes watching ads on TV, chiefly detrimental and pernicious for children.

The psychology research has stated over and over that the first few years on one's life, plays an incredibly crucial role, on one's disposition and character later in their lifetimes. Now suppose, that such a susceptible creature, is exposed to themes and content that are totally inappropriate to them, e.g. the continuous crave for joy and completely new tastes, as is the key component in many food ads. This child, not only never learns to resist his instinctive temptation to seek every new product and new form of indulgence, but instead, totally craves for and actively seeks to engross himself/ herself in such experiences, while absolutely disregarding how it will affect his/her health condition. This lucidly translates to higher rates of obese and sick people that greatly afflict the society as a whole.


My second argument insists on the necessity of learning more crucial skills all children, ought to learn, but actually are overridden by TV ads. So as is the case in numerous ads, the plot contains an individual who is having a challenge or problem, and all of a sudden, out of thin air, find out about the perfect solution, which supposedly was right before their eyes, namely the product. This mentality leads him/her to believe that great solution just happen, without any hard work and perseverance, and this is exceedingly far from what happens in real life situations.


I've already touched on this matter, but to shed more light on it, I emphasize the adverse effect that TV ads on children's mental and physical health. Myriad of products that are incessantly advertised on TV, puts their dental health in danger, like many of the sweats and ice creams, the same goes for salty products like snacks and sausage , that later translate into high blood pressure.

All in all, the disadvantages clearly outweighs the almost nonexistent advantages of watching TV in children.