Please Revise My Essay

[ehsan999999]

ممنون میشم دوستان نگاهی به این متن بندازن.

با تشکر

[Tesla64]

سلام دوستان. جایی یا کسی رو میشناسید که نمونه ریتینگ ها رو ویرایش کنه؟ من تو این سایت ها گشتم قیمت هاشون خیلی بالاست (این تاپیک هم متاسفانه خیلی فعال نیست) اگر ادم بخواد مرتب تمرین کنه و رایتینگ بنویسه (که در این صورت تعدادش زیاد میشه) هزینه خیلی زیادی باید بپردازه. اگر جایی یا کسی رو میشناسید (با هزینه معقول ) لطفا معرفی کنید.
خیلی ممنون

[mojita]

سلام ببخشید
رایتینگ ایلتس تصحیح نمیشه دیگه اینجا؟
ممنون

[Mars19]

سلام دوستان ممنون میشم اگر نظرتون رو در مورد این نامه بدونم.(هدف من نمره 7 هست در General Training)
https://ufile.io/1atag

[ehsan999999]

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. Do you agree or disagree?


We live in an era of limited financial resources and an unlimited number of problems, forcing us to carefully set our priorities when it comes to our expenditures. One of the areas, where the allocated budget has turned into a debatable topic is the nature conservation, given that some claim that governments spend an unnecessary amount of money on luxuries such as saving wilderness while humanity is dealing with more serious problems such as poverty. I am personally convinced that even if we ignore our moral responsibility to our next generations and other creatures, living on Earth, still from a purely economic point of view, investment on saving the wilds is a profitable one.
Considering the fact that Earth is our single source of resources and raw materials unless we cannot find a way to use our natural supplies more responsibly we are only a few decades far from starvation. While food security seems to become a major concern for many countries, ignoring the impact of the loss of wilderness on our food chain can be a deadly mistake for those whom their livelihood depend on natural assets such as oceans and jungles. For example, supposedly expensive research on marine biology can ensure that seafood remains a popular type of food for the next generations.
Loss of wilderness can damage an already fragile balance of nature leading to Global Warming and its catastrophic consequences such as climate fluctuations and rise of sea levels which not only impact the food security but also where and how we live. Floods on one hand and dry seasons, on the other hand, can impact agricultural productions and enforce mass immigration to major cities, which are mostly located near water and are in danger of being submerged due to rise of sea level.
In conclusion, cutting down the budget allocated for protection of nature in favor of addressing other problems, is a recipe for disaster and only supported by those who are only focused on short-term problems.