نمونه های writing کاربران و بررسی آنها

[mani_faz]

This is for tpo 12. Another general question, right now my timing is in such a way, that I have no time to revise my writing but if I want to do that, I have to elaborate less. With the current number of errors in my writing now, do you think I’m on the right track?
Integrated: (I have corrected 4 spelling errors )
The overall attitude of the lecturer is that there is compelling evidence to convince us toward thinking that, the portray is not of Jane herself, but of a close relative.

Although, the passage correctly points out to the long historical inclination of Austen family to assert that the girl in the painting is actually Jane, in fact when they corroborated that painting as a concomitant to her letters, none of them could have possibly had a face to face encounter with her, because about 80 years have passed since her decease. This lucid fact significantly attenuates the strength of this claim, as a ground to persuade us to believe that she is portraued in the painting.

Furthermore, it is not surprising at all that the face in the portray resembles Jane, if we take into consideration the obvious fact that, members of the same family ought to resemble and be similar to each other in appearances. What's more, there is compelling evidence, suggesting that when Jane was a teenager, there were many teenage girls to be found in a family as extensive as Austins. In fact, a large group of experts accurately attribute the portray to a distant niece of Jane.

Finally, the professor cast serious doubt about the hypothesis that this portray was drawn by Humphry which is used in the passage to support the idea that Jane was the subject of the painting. Even though, the style of the art piece is similar to Humphray's style, a new evidence, namely the name carved on the black canvas of the painting, is indicative of a different story. The name on the canvas, is of a well known vendor, for whom we have clear evidence, that he started selling canvases in London long after Jane entered adolescence, and actually late in her adult life. So it cannot possibly be that the drawing is of a teenage Jane.

Independent: Is it better to focus on one subject or have knowledge about many fields.
(6 typos have been corrected)

To illustrate how this dilemma has deep roots in our culture, one does not need to look far away, since we have coined a special phrase, to exactly point to this rather delicate choice we have been facing all the time, "Jack of all trades and master of none". Even though, some might argue that its just choosing the easier alternative, I would claim, that opting to go for a variegated gamut of subjects, is in fact practically and economically, a better move.

First, It would be hard for anyone to miss the current trend for more interdisciplinary research in the realm of science. The constant increasing number of new exotic fields that combine disparate disciplines of human knowledge is a firm testimony to such a trend. Not to forget, the continuing high degree of demand in academic jobs for scientists who have the valuable capability of blending and effectively incorporating the methods and solutions in one area into a new area. A great illustration of this phenomenon, is the rising use of statistical methods mainly developed by mathematicians in psychological research being done today.

The second constituent of my argument for endorsing having a broad knowledge, is because of the critical opportunity it provides for youngster especially college students, who are clueless about their true legendary passion. I strongly believe that experiencing how research is being done in many different disciplines, will cajole the students, to find the most appropriate field for them. This is of undoubtable significance, considering how this important realization , will prevent them from regretting and being unsatisfied with their current conditions and stance, by having the chimerical notion that they might have been much more successful in another field.


The last piece of puzzle that completes my advocacy for my choice, is that people who are experts in more than one subject, are less vulnerable to turmoil of unpredictable chaotic economy of the modern world. So basically, even if your current employers is experiencing unsolvable troubles, which terminally translates into you being fired, there is a source of hope for you, because you might still get the chance, to come across a job, in your probably secondary specialization. I think it needs no more emphasis, how much this can be a relief, and reduce our level of stress in our lives.

To wrap it up, I would say that in the light of the proposed reasons and arguments, one can individually reach the logical conclusion that selecting more than one area of specialization, brings nothing but more reliability and confidence in one's abilities and future.

[mani_faz]

Hi everyone. This is for tpo 13- Thanks for your comments beforehand
Integrated (4 spelling errors)
The remarks made by the professor, expresses her opinion about how much exaggeration have taken place, in the picture that the passage gives of pitfalls of commercial fossil trade. She further conscientiously replies to all three critics raised against this issue in the reading to convey her point.

The text clearly supports the view that commercialization of fossils undoubtedly decreases the amount of public interest in fossils, through precluding lay public from having easy access to their exhibitions in public museums. Entirely contrary to that, the professor believes that fossil trade can practically enhance availability to fossils for ordinary people, since other less wealthy institutions such as typical schools can afford to buy them from these vendors, and exhibit them to a broader audience.

In addition to that, the lecture claims it's totally unfair to assert that the process of fossil trade, prevent scientist from accessing critical invaluable scientific evidence, as has been endorsed in the reading. Because if we take a closer look at the requirements private collector go through before valuing and pricing the fuels, it turns out that an inevitable step in the beginning, is to present them to a qualified scientist in this field, who can identify and corroborate the authenticity of the fossil for the collector, which enables him to go about selling and pricing the product afterwards.

Although the professor concur with the passage that many private collector are not experts and therefore might lose important clues that have scientific significance, it is still the best alternative available in the current situation. Simply because the number of collecting operations managed by the academic institutions is so limited at the moment, that many fossil that would otherwise be potentially discovered by private collectors, will just go unnoticed, if we ban such private excavations. Thus she argues having some acceptable level of pertinent information for the fossils, is much better than having no fossils in the first place.
Independent: the importance of extended family has decreased in todays society.
Since the dawn of time, when we were just merely peripatetic hunter-gatherers wandering the earth, we were aware of the importance of social interactions in general, and kin proximity specifically, in our survival. Having said that, I claim that the form and nature of this proximity has gone through an eminent metamorphosis. Therefore I will support the view that in fact the emphasis we put on extended family has greatly decreased and changed. Below I delve into specific details that clarify my argument.

So a quick glimpse at the average number of people who live in a single domicile, is a really good barometer of the change that has taken place. Currently, this number is around 3 or 4, in most developed countries. A myriad of factors have contributed to this phenomenon, of which I deem the significant decrease in the inclination of parents to have less children to be the most important . For this discourage people from extending their families to include grandparents and aunts who traditionally aided the primary parents to support the growth of the child.

Another contributing factor, is the geographical dispersion. In the past, most members of the same family lived near each other and thus had more opportunity to have contact and take advantages from each other. But economical forces, such as less jobs in small town have changed this pattern and encouraged people to live far away from each other, in different part of countries and different big cities.


From a different perspective, people psychologically feel less compelled to connect to their far relatives. This is due to the globalization that has happened in today's society, which in turn has made people from different background and families, to have better appreciation of each other, and thus have facillated the relationships they could establish. In other words, people can satisfy their need for social interaction by other means, not exclusively through contact with their far relatives.


All in all, I advocate the view that people put less emphasis on their extended family because of the mentioned reasons and argument and that's not a surprising trend to observe at all.

[minoosaba]

سلام دوستان، ممنون میشم اگر نظرتون رو راجع به رایتینگ من بگید.

Question: Some students prefer classes with open discussions between the professor and students and almost no lectures. Other students prefer classes with lectures and almost no discussions. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education is a very important part of our lives. It provides us with valuable skills and knowledge for life, and is mostly offered in classrooms of universities. Some people believe that classes with open discussion between the professor and students and almost no lecture are more beneficial, while others are in the favor of classes with all lectures. I personaly prefer the latter one for two important reasons.
First, in classes with only lectures you learn faster. The teacher use the time of the class to fully develop facts and concepts with detailed explanetions that helps us to aquire the information quickly which may not be possible with the interruption of other students. For instance, when I decided to enter the graduate school, three years ago, I took some classes to prepare myself for the entrance university exam. One of the classes was the introductory to the mechanic of materials, which is a very sophisticated subject in my field, civil engineering. I remember the professor would dedicate whole the three hours of every session to cover one of the chapters, and he would do that with the most up-to-date and complete information that he could. As a result of that we learned every subject easily in the class without the need to review it in home, so we saved a huge amount time to enhance other skills needed for the test. As you can see, a class with all lectures offers students with so much knowledge to acquire the lessons with the least effor and the least time.
Second, you can have discussions with other students after class. In the classroom the professor teaches students the necessary information so that they can exchange them afterward to clarify the concepts better. For instance, in highschool I had a chemistry class. Each session the teacher would provide us with the principles of different subjects and their applications in our every day life. After class, we would gather to review them and also find another examples in the world around us. Therefore, all the concepts would fix into our minds forever. If we would do it in the class, it could have hurt us because it would have use up the time of class that our teacher would fill us with so much information.
In sum, having classes with only lecture and no discussions will benefit us in a way that we can learn faster and save our precious time, and also we can have discussions and exchange our knowledge with the classmates after class. Teachers should all present their classes with profound lectures so that the efficiency of them would be increased.

درود.

امیدوارم موثر واقع بشه.

موفق باشید.

[minoosaba]

خدمت دوستان عزیز سلام عرض میکنم، انگار کسی چهار تا رایتینگ قبلی ما رو تصحیح نکرده
خب اینم پنجمیشه! از اهل فن تقاضا دارم لطف کنن و نگاهی به این پنج رایتینگ بندازن.
از عزیزان ممنونم.
Do you learn better by yourself or with a teacher?

Some people would like to learn by themselves, perhaps because of more independency and freedom in learning process, etc. On the contrary, some other persist to learn under a teacher’s supervision; As far as I am concerned, it is more reliable to learn lessons under a teacher’s supervision, and using a constant schedule.

In the first place, studying a subject, especially lessons that we have few basic knowledge about them or lack enough preliminary guidelines for studying them, may confuse us. A teacher, can give us precious information in such cases. He / she can guide us to learn more basically, progressively, and targeted. He / she introduces bona fide references that take us directly towards related subject; A teacher lets us know how and what to learn. Additionally, we may have questions or problems. He / she leads us toward finding the answer without waste of time. What’s more, having a supervisor helps us focus on the lesson and keeps us away from studying unrelated subjects.

In the second place, studying under a teacher’s supervision, leads us to opinion which states, there is always a person who pushes us toward forward; forthwith, we have to study on a regular basis to avoid unpleasant consequences, e.g. getting failed at exams. Besides, assignments given by the teacher leads us to challenge the subjects and lessons, understand them in an efficient way and broaden the scope of the topic.

Third, studying under the supervision of an expert person transfers us more information about the lesson. Teacher helps us reach the deeper layers of the subject by transferring us his / her information about the topic. He / she persuades us to go beyond the information mentioned in book.

In the final analysis, assuming that studying under a teacher’s supervision and attending classes may take our time, in my own opinion, the most efficient way to learn lessons is to study under a teacher’s supervision; he / she teaches us to learn better and efficiently, pushes us toward forward, and transfers us his / her information about new topics. As a result, my recommendation is to study under a teacher’s supervision.

درود.

فایل مربوطه پیوست شد.

موفق باشید.

[minoosaba]

درود فراوان به chemistrymaste

متنتون ضمیمه شد.

موفق باشید.

[ehsan999999]

دوستان اگه لطف کنند و نگاهی بندازن و ایرادات رو بگن ممنون میشم
اگه حدودی نمره هم بدید که بدونم در چه سطحی هستم خیلی عالی میشه. این که نمی دونم در چه سطحی هستم برام خیلی اعصاب خردکنه.

Agree/disagree
Teacher should not make their social and political views known to students in classroom.

Whether the teacher should make their own political views known to their students in the classroom has always been a controversial issue in our society. Opinions in this filed are divided. Some people
believe that if the teachers disclose their political attitudes to their students they may decline their chance to have a good communication with all students since some students tend to connect each of their conflictions with their teachers to their different political views. Others have the opposite view and believe that this idea is advantageous. Generally speaking, I am of the opinion that teacher should make their views about political events known to their students due to several reasons as outlined below.
Considering the first reason, I accept it is as true that the more the students are exposed to different points of view, the better they gain a wide knowledge about the subjects. Needless to say, nowadays' media are trying to convince people that their ideas toward a subject is the only true fact and hinder others to hear others opinions. If a person is following a news press it is more likely to have a biased attitude toward a specific political group, and be not inclined to listen to others’ attitude. But classes can be a second place for students to hear at least another point.
Secondly, the classrooms are an ideal place to have a debate about different subjects, namely, politic. In my view, when a teacher expresses his idea about a political event or group, encourages students to share their views with the class, and in this situation some hot debates, which are a really an important kind of gaining wisdom, are more likely to take place.
Last but not the least significant pros of talking about political view by the teachers is that they may encourage other students, who are not involved with the politics, to get more information about the political situation of their society and play their own role in their community. This may convince students to consider polls and elections as a real chance to make their society a better place to live.
Based on the facts mentioned above, it can be clearly concluded that teachers, who share their views about the politic, have many positive effects on their students, namely, making students familiar with different points of view, leading hot debates which make students more aware of their political situations, and encouraging students to attend to the political events.

[Mojdeh_s]

درود.

امیدوارم موثر واقع بشه.

موفق باشید.

با تشکر فراوان از نظراتتون، میخواستم بدونم رایتینگ من از نظر organization و coherence چجور بود و اینکه نمره حدودی که ممکنه بگیرم چند میتونه باشه؟ با توجه به اینکه کمتر ۳ هفته دیگه امتحان دارم میخوام ببینم آیا امیدی هست

[Mojdeh_s]

سلام، خوشحال میشم نظر دوستان رو راجع به این رایتینگ هم بدونم.
پیشاپیش سپاسگذارم

Question

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Our planet is a very important part of our existence. It is where we are born, grow up and die. Some people believe that the Earth is becoming a better place due to human activities, while others say that human activities have caused the Earth severe damages. In my view, because of our doings the Earth is going to be an inhospitable place in the near future for two important reasons.
First, human activities have posed a drastic pollution on our planet. The things that people do in order to improve their living standards, actually have another side which harms the Earth. For example, the convention of automobiles has facilitated the way we commute. These automobiles such as private cars, public buses and so forth use natural resources like oil in order to operate that consequently add pollution to the environment. Industrial factories work and produce their products in the same way. As you can see, all activities that humans do to improve their lives, in fact cause serious problem to the Earth.
Second, people have changed the environment tremendously. When they go on vacation they leave their trash in the environment, they pollute clean waters, all of which cause damage to the Earth. For example, people use plastic bags as containers for their wastes, use plastic bottles, or even plastic plates, all of which never decomposes. They will stay in the nature forever. None of these could ever existed if it weren’t for the sake of the betterment of humans. As it is clear, all kind of materials that people use and the process in which they are made cause inevitable damage to our planet.
In conclusion, human activities add pollution to the Earth, and also they change the environment in a way that is not possible to restore to its original state. Let us hope in the coming years people become more aware of the consequences of their actions and become socially responsible in safeguarding our precious planet.

[masoud677]

با سلام لطفا نظرتان را درباره رایتینگ زیر بفرمایید من دنبال نمره 25 هستم.فقط سه تا غلط تایپی داشتم.

Do you agree or disagree with this following statement:
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Creation is the first characteristic, distinguishes human from other animals. Our civilization, wealth, protective equipment and technological gadgets have been made of the power of our mind; or in the other word, ability of creation. Therefore it is not surprising that we should be more careful, because our modern industries will really need creative generation who are now child right now. However, I think the concerns of bad effects of new technologies on children`s mind is not always true.

I can nominate more useful technological and modern gadgets which have improved the standards of education. It is not surprising that the old-fashioned system of education had more problems in neglecting the smartness of children in classes. They forced children to memorize all materials rather than perceive and analyze them. One of the reasons of choosing these impractical methods was the lack of technology in classes. Teachers had plenty of students in classes and they had to teach all of them evenly. Therefore, without helpful technological gadgets like computers, internet and other sources, students were fully depended on their teachers without any expectation of opportunity to discover more things. Therefore, we can claim that more creative generation would be in the future.

The second reason is that some people cannot understand the usage of new technologies and unfortunately exaggerate the harmfulness of the technologies too. Some people think that all children use new technologies as the entertainment tools instead of useful books. They don`t know about a vast domain on the internet, which is specialized for electronic books, encyclopedias and, more generally topic, science. Children can find anything more effectively through the internet. Therefore, being among all resources of information can provide an opportunity to enhance the creation of children. Because of some limited accesses to information in the past; therefore, creation was an unexpected phenomenon in societies.

In conclusion, I think we should accept the fact that new technologies like computers and internet have improved the standards of education. Moreover, more access to up-dated information can provided more opportunities to improve the new ideas and creation especially for children.

[minoosaba]

با تشکر فراوان از نظراتتون، میخواستم بدونم رایتینگ من از نظر organization و coherence چجور بود و اینکه نمره حدودی که ممکنه بگیرم چند میتونه باشه؟ با توجه به اینکه کمتر ۳ هفته دیگه امتحان دارم میخوام ببینم آیا امیدی هست

organization و coherence متنتون خوب بود.
فقط به نکاتی که توی فایل ضمیمه پیوست کردم دقت کنید به خصوص بخش would.
از لغات جدیدتری هم در متن استفاده کنید بهتره . میتونید به جای تکرار یک لغت، از مترادفهاش در جملات بعدتون استفاده کنید.
با توجه به نکات بالا میشه به نمره خوب امیدوار بود.
موفق باشید.